I Will Not Crush My Goals

Dear Tara,

In 2021, you will not crush your goals. You will not kill it or nail it. You will not power through. You will not grab your goals by the privates.

Wait, what?? Who says that?

You! You have said all of these violent mantras before. And yes, you have achieved many things. But there are some life-expanding desires that require more than just a crushing of your well-outlined SMART goals.

Vulnerability is what has been missing from your yearly planner because until now, you've thought of vulnerability as something weak, tired maybe even a bit loserish.

But this year, you will learn that it's only by being vulnerable that you can reach the next level of actualization. Long-held personal and professional goals, that have been just out of reach every year, can only come to fruition if you do something different now.

But It's Scary to Be Vulnerable!

The Oxford English Dictionary defines vulnerability as: the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

Yikes! Who wants to risk being attacked?

Well, anyone who follows any major religion, it would seem. Taoism, Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Islam and more, all have passages about the importance of vulnerabilty in their central texts.

But why then, if all the religious books advocate it, do we never praise a leader's "great vulnerability?" Instead we applaud an athlete's toughness, a businessperson's cut-throat competitiveness, an artist's awards and "wins."

As Doc says in John Steinbeck's Cannery Row:

“It has always seemed strange to me. The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system.

Religions say we should be vulnerable to find our best selves, but the world seems to discourage it, so how to do we live in this paradox?

Could it be that people who achieve greatness, are vulnerable in ways that we can't see? Could it be that vulnerabilty is actually the key to getting everything you want and need?

Maybe Tara, you need a concrete example, quite literally, from the strip of concrete behind your house.

Think of the Alley Cats

In 2021, when you feel afraid or ashamed of being vulnerable, I encourage you to think of the two cats who regularly hang out in your alley.

One of the alley cats, is a "Crush my Goals" type who, looks at humans like this, before hissing and running away:

No picture of the real cat exists because it never sticks around long enough. But this photo gives a good idea of what the bold, tough alley cat is like.

The cat eats, for sure, as it's not thin. It hunts mice and maybe birds and probably digs through some trash now and then. It survives a lot of fights, as one can see from the scratches on its face.

Crush My Goals Cat DOES get things done, for sure. But it's a hard life.

Meanwhile, the other alley cat approaches life, and interactions with humans, a bit differently. The other alley cat allows itself to be vulnerable.

Vulnerable Cat is also bold, yes, but in the opposite way that Crush My Goals Cat is.

When Vulnerable Cat sees a human, it runs towards them, not away. Often the cat will rub against the human's leg and roll over on its back--the ultimate vulnerability move. Even more, Vulnerable Cat has taken to bursting inside homes when a door opens, which is what happened moments before this photo:

Vulnerable Cat also has the scars of survived battles on its face. And this cat definitely eats--because the entire neighborhood feeds it.

Crush My Goals Cat and Vulnerable Cat both live in the alley, need to fight to survive and seek food every day. They both achieve their goals, but Vulnerable Cat gets much more. It has a connection to the humans in its life. And so, the humans will go out of their way to help and protect it.

When a dog chased Vulnerable Cat high up a shaky tree this summer, a brigade of people sprung into action to coax the cat down to safety. (And the cat ate very, very well that day.)

The neighbors all let Vulnerable Cat wander around inside their homes-especially when it's cold out.

And most likely, one day, Vulnerable Cat will decide to stay in one of the homes, and will be welcomed. Because it is loved.

Crush my Goals Cat is admired by humans.

But Vulnerable Cat is loved.

Think of Hollywood as the Alley

The alley cat story is great, but Tara, you've got to navigate a career in the film industry while being vulnerable. So what lessons can the cats provide to achieve your goals?

Goal 1: Getting a feature film funded for production:

Like Vulnerable Cat, you must approach people - not run away from them. Get to know them, and let them see who you are and what you want. They may say no and they may not give you any food (money) that day, but they will see that, even though you may be a bit flea-bitten, you are actually nice to hang out with. The people who appreciate you will start to crack open the can of tuna fish whenever you come by. And you will help them by providing them the joy of giving. People will want to feed you when you have developed a relationship. But if you always hiss and run away when near a potential investor, you'll never get fed.

Goal 2: Book a screen acting role each month:

For this, you have to be like Vulnerable Cat and just burst inside the house when the door opens a crack. In the past, you've poked your nose in the crack, maybe even put one paw inside the house, but were always afraid that, if you burst in, someone might yell at you to get out. And you didn't want to be yelled at, so you hung back, and stayed tough, outside. But this year, you'll just burst through that screen door when it opens, and trust that the right people will let you stay. More specifically, you'll promote the heck out of your work and let everyone know that you belong in this warm house (film industry.)

Goal 3: Deepen relationships with my friends and family:

No doubt, this one is the hardest of all. Because for this, you've got to be like Vulnerable Cat and roll over on your back, exposing your belly, from time to time. It's can be very frightening to expose yourself. People could kick your soft stomach and you can't easily run away if you see danger. But exposing your belly is the only way to get it tickled by those humans who love you. And when you roll over on your back and let people see the softest parts of you, your bond will grow, and the right people will love you even more. If someone you love does kick or poke your soft belly, then it's probably because they are scared too. So walk away for now, but if they are worth it, try again in a few days, if you want to.

No Crushing Allowed

In 2021, Tara, you will not crush your goals. Instead, you will look for ways to connect with others in an authentic way. You will be brave in stating your wants and desires, even when you are afraid of rejection. You will be willing to share your secrets with those you trust, knowing that softness can build much more than hardness can.

You will be vulnerable. And you will start by hitting "publish."

Happy New Year!