I'm A Slob

I’m a slob. I have a guest room in my house, but it’s out of order because it’s knee deep in junk. My dirty laundry has been in the hamper for so long, it has a birthday. One would think I hoarder unopened mail with the piles of it dispersed throughout the kitchen. When I turn the fan on, a cloud of dust wafts off the book shelves. I don’t like living in filth, but I also hate cleaning. I’m not wealthy enough to hire a live-in butler, but I want my home to look like I can.

I was talking to a girlfriend one night and she told me about how she’s living a minimalist lifestyle. I rolled my eyes as she explained to me how it’s about disconnecting from worldly possessions and living with less. It sparked an idea. I can’t make a big mess, if I don’t have enough stuff to make a mess with. Also, it’d be easier to clean up with less crap laying around. For my 2021 wellness resolution, I’m going to live a minimalist lifestyle.

January is going to be about clearing out my home. I’m going to do my laundry and donate all of my clothing except for thirty essential pieces. I don’t even wear makeup, so why do I have it?! One makeup bag for special occasions is good enough. The rest of my bathroom counter can be given away to friends and family, or tossed. I find myself washing out the same dishes every night, yet I have two stacks of plates, a shelf of coffee mugs and an endless supply of non-stick pans that no longer carry out their function. I’m going to clear out all the unnecessary and unused items in my house.

February is a budget cut month. I have so many premium apps on my phone that I don’t use on a daily, or even weekly basis. I could also stop buying credits on games. I keep falling into that trap. Yesterday, I spent Fifty dollars on gold. I know it’s dumb, but these games are addicting, which is why they need to go. I can spend time with my family and play board games, or use that playstation five they bought me a year ago. I need to stop ordering out! I literally get a stomach ache after eating fast food. It’s not good for me, it makes me fat, and I spend at least two hundred dollars a month eating out (in a pandemic too). Speaking of food, it’s cheaper and healthier for me to buy food at a farmer’s market than shop at fancy organic grocery stores. I spend one hundred dollars plus a week on groceries, which is absolutely unnecessary.

Lastly, I’m kicking out bad habits in March. I’m quitting smoking and drinking. I don’t want to rely on cigarettes in order to relieve stress. They stink up my clothes and hair, give me bad breath, wrinkles and ruin my teeth and lungs. I’m going to swap it out for exercise. Running is awesome because it’s free and only requires a nice pair of sneakers and a good playlist. Drinking turns me into a sloppy jerk and hangovers are the worst. Virgin cocktails and non-alcoholic beers are a great substitute. That way I don’t feel like I’m missing out, or pressured to drink at parties.

Now, all I have to do is follow through with everything I just wrote. I think if I call up my neat freak friends to help me clean and organize, it could be fun. Also, I could challenge my boyfriend not to smoke and drink with me, so I feel supported and held accountable for my actions. Wish me luck!