I Draw for Peace

My name is Bree, and I suffer from the mental condition schizophrenia. It is a medical condition well known for causing visual hallucinations, making you hear voices, and causing panic attacks. I had been aware of having pre-schizo symptoms in the form of auditory hallucinations, but it came on suddenly, in full force, a few months after my 27th Birthday. This new condition which sat on top of pre-existing depression, ADHD, and chronic paranoia sent my Life into a tailspin. That is until I found my salvation in the form of art.

I began with painting, A cheap hobby to pick up and try at least once in your life, as you can get all your supplies from a dollar store. I took to it right away as it gave me a singular goal to focus on without having to make a preset destination. I would occasionally just pour several colors onto a canvas to see if I liked how they mixed as I drug my brush across the surface. I made alien landscapes and peeks into other worlds, but most importantly, the hallucinations that had been haunting me were quiet while I focused. Writing is probably the only other thing that can pull me into it so completely, but this was different.

I felt no burden to make a product to some abstract end goal that was based on other people's works, I just wanted to see what appeared before me as each day passed. I started having my own ideas of what I thought would be fun and creative to do without ever feeling the pressure to weigh it against other artists. I didn't paint to be better or to prove myself to someone, I just found it to be a peaceful way to make it through another day. It gave me the chance to keep living, to look beyond my current struggle and say, “This is mine, I made it.”

More recently I decided that if I was going to continue making my art, I needed to turn to a slightly more practical, and honestly less messy medium for my art, in this case being markers and art pads. During this time, I took to drawing characters from my favorite shows and celebrated each time I got them to look closer to my reference material. I faced criticism for not trying to make the art my own style, but that was wrong. I wanted my style to develop into one like my favorite creators without losing my drive and passion for the art I created, so I pressed on.

After about a month, I took the advice of a small following of people I had gathered through social media and moved to digital art. By far it has been the most difficult medium to get used to, but it still holds my attention and keeps me calm. I’m able to more easily share my work with my friends and fans, and it makes me happy when they encourage me to keep moving forward. Currently, I am waiting for new supplies to come in, as I lost the stylus that I used to draw, and in this time it has sunk in how much art was holding me together. It not only gave me something to do with my days in place of the panic, but it also gave me something to feel excited about.

I don't know exactly what my next piece will be, and honestly, that is ok. I’ll take my art one step at a time, keeping hold of the peace it brings me and looking for the next step