I changed my pain into hope

It was 2017 in sunny California. 3 years after I lost my mother to Ovarian Cancer. 1 year after leaving the home I shared with an ex and having no where to go. 6 months after quitting my office job at HRAI where I worked with heating and airconditioning contractors and tried to avoid water cooler conversations. I put what little belongings I had in storage and I went to California to visit my aunt and try to recollect myself after what seemed like fighting a mental battlefeild.

My mother was diagnosed when I was 20. I was just shy of 24 when I lost her in the physical sense but gained this enormous, silent reserve of inner strength that I wouldn't know I had until I needed it most. She was my bestfriend and truly the only person, as most mothers if we're lucky enough, who loved me more than herself and gave everything up for me. I had nothing. No job, no money, no ambition and no hope. I was grieving a loss that I didn't want to accept and didn't know how to overcome. She had died but I felt like it was my life that was over. So in a last ditch effort with quite literally, nothing to lose - I took my aunts advice for a different air and went on a trip that would drastically change my life and my mindset forever.

When I first got to California I met a woman who was starting her own business and brand that revolved around reselling wholesale fashion. She asked me to model some of the clothing for her and take photos as I had a pretty decent camera. From this, I learned about a business that I had never been exposed to let alone shown the process of actually conceptualizing from an idea - an idea to be your own boss and create your own reality. That's ultimately what makes this life so special, is the fact that we are in charge of our destinies. We choose. And regardless of how hopeless the future can seem - we choose to walk that road or try a different one. I would eventually accompany this friend to downtown LA and scour the fashion district for wholesale finds. If you had a lot of money to invest in a start-up it wasn't a bad idea but unfortunately I had very little money so this all still seemed out of arms reach. I started researching about the business online and realized buying jewellery wholesale was an even cheaper start-up cost...which led me to the realization that making jewellery could be an even lower start-up cost and alas, I had the idea to use something I've always loved and had enough of to start, to create something one of a kind. Gemstone Jewellery. I started small - buying a small set of stones as needed and creating different themes around what each of their specific story was. That was my favorite part about the process - learning the enate characteristics of these gifts from mother earth, feeling them, appreciating them and learning gratitude in the process.

I started going to Venice beach, laying down a couple colourful blankets and selling them right there in person. People seemed to love them and as I prepared to return home with an opportunity for some sort of fresh start, I decided to go all in and register the business. Sept 3rd 2017, on the 3 year anniversary of my mother's passing, Gems&Thread was born and my second chance could start.

I took my pain and the love I had in me and wanted to give but, didn't necessarily know how to or if I was even ready to - and put it into the pieces I created that are all meant to be mirrors of self reflection - amplifying and activating the parts of us that want to share, love and feel free. The most beautiful part about this new business is back home in Toronto, I get to vend in my neighborhood Kensington Market where artists and creatives of all walks of life set up tables and sell their goods on the streets. It's an incredible way that I've been able to connect with my community and share my story and myself with others when I otherwise would have withdrawn myself and suffered in silence. I was hiding before. Greiving in a way I didn't understand. Healing from a relationship with someone who didn't wanted to hurt me. And coming to terms with the fact that so many years had passed and I had nothing to show for it. But that was a story I had been telling myself in the times where I felt the moon stopped shining and the stars cried with me. I always knew my mom was there, guiding me, inspiring me and loving me if only just a little far away. I think the reason I always loved crystals was because it reminds me that there are things bigger than us and that energy transfer is real. I was done telling myself the same sad story and I wanted something more for myself - something that was truly me and from my heart and here it is.

More than anything, it's the love that people seem to have for these pieces that makes this fullfilling. Seeing their faces light up when they visit my table and hold them. The way the sun hits them so their light can shine on their keeper. It's this beautiful, inherint reminder that we are all looking for ways to embrace our true selves and bring more love and, dare I say, magic into our lives. And I get to give that to people. These silent, wearable reminders of love and encouragement. I would do this forever, even for no money, just for that.