I am an Indian woman and I don’t want kids

Who am I?

I am an Indian girl in my early 30s. I like making food, dancing, painting and traveling. I have been married for 5 years now and happily living with my husband.

I am a house wife. I have been in & out of a couple of jobs over the years but never been engaged in a permanent gig.

I am a little introvert and don’t easily mix with others.

Above all, I love my freedom.

A brief history

I am from a very small town in India where I did my schooling & graduation. I lived there till the age of 25 before getting married.

When I was just 8, I lost my father to brain hemorrhage. It brought a flood of struggles for me and my family. I had seen it all at a very young age: betrayal from friends & relatives, begging for acceptance, fight for survival... I kind of matured a lot at a very early age.

It was a really tough time. My single mother faced a lot of challenges in her life. Our father’s pension kept us from falling apart. When I look back, I realize that my mother could survive with much less struggles had she had just 1 kid, but we were 3. I have 2 elder brothers.

We had to compromise on basic necessities like books, clothes, food. Sometimes I used to be very depressed and thought it would have been better if I was not born. My mother did everything to make sure my brothers get good enough education and start their career as soon as possible. Me? With as little as I had, I was just collecting wisdom.

Why I don’t want kids?

I like my freedom. I want to do anything and everything in the 2nd half of my life without restrictions. Without kids I have a lot of options and opportunities. I can travel like nomads, experience different adventures, invest enough time on blogging, make friends, build a community... I need my freedom to live my life to the fullest.

We have travelled to many places both in India and abroad, made a couple of friends, partied till 3 AM, taken couple’s erotic massages thrice (in 2 different countries), done snorkeling, been a part of open air mob Zumba session, stayed at a nudist resort.. well the list is long. Be it any type of adventure there is one thing constant — I push my boundaries and it feels good.

We have just 1 life and it is short. People plan their future like they will never die. They invest all their time in building security & support for their future. But life is short and unpredictable. I feel that wasting what we have now to build what we ‘might’ have in future is worthless. Instead, we should build something that will surely stay with us forever — experience.

Live your life. And trust me it is not a luxury choice. There is a plethora of things people can involve in without having to invest a lot (although, you would easily be saving 40% of your income without any kids). I see the examples of people with kids everyday everywhere. But a life without kids is new. It is exciting. I want to live every bit of it.

A child is a lot of work. Raising a child is very very exhausting. Sleepless nights, huge hit on health, no time for self — people even lose their identity in the process. Kids now a days can take up more than 60% of your time. It’s is not half as easy as before. Along with schools now there are homework, tuitions, cricket coaching, swimming lessons, dancing lessons, and many more.

I respect the people who really love kids and can be thoroughly involved in one’s development. But to go through the misery just to have some support & security in future is not worth it.

If you don’t see a great parent in yourself, want to invest time in your passion but are worried about your future, give your worries a rest. Do what you are passionate about and it will support you in your future.

‘Kids will be our support’ is a risky assumption. It is an assumption because it is rarely true. Old people living on their own is becoming more & more common. Young adults rarely have time now. Jobs are not like they used to be; it involves a lot of pressure, travelling & competition and then there is a family with kids to support.

It is risky because you are wholeheartedly depending on something very unpredictable. I am not worried about my future. There are way too many NGOs helping elderlies now.

My husband and I are very happy. We really are. People tell us that it is exciting because it is new; give your marriage some time. I don’t agree. People think that we would lead the same life as the parents do. But we have plans for innumerable activities, travels, adventures & work. And with new things happening everyday, boredom is just out of the question.

Is the decision easy?

Big NO. It is a very tough decision. People ask plenty of questions. They doubt if we have some health issues because of which we are unable to conceive. Sometimes they individually ask us to get separated if the other can’t ‘give you a child’. Not wanting to have kids is just not acceptable. People turn a deaf ear to our reasons and come up with silly ideas to becoming parents. Some have even asked me to divorce my husband for kids.

But facing the society is not remotely as difficult as raising a kid. Our decision is final. There is no looking back. We have made up our mind to experience the unknown rather that living the known.