I am an Empath

SIGHT

She stood at my bedside in a white dress. Her appearance was exactly how it always was. Long colored auburn/red hair, big round flushed cheeks, and large green eyes. A white dress, I thought to myself. "What are you doing?" "I am sleeping!" "What are you wearing?" Eyes filled with sleep haze, thoughts slow, I muttered questions off to her. No response. She was teasing me and ignoring my questions. She always picked on me. My eyes cleared, my mind awoke, and in an instant: Shock, fear, and confusion sank in. Imagine Alice spinning down the rabbit hole to Wonderland. My bed and I were spinning in some vortex, going somewhere but also not moving at all.

With each spin, the same question is repeated in my mind continuously. Why a white dress? Barbie, my fourteen-year-old cousin, was a tom-boy. She also was buried that same day in her soccer uniform. She despised anything girly, especially dresses! Yet, barely two feet away from me, she stood. No smile, no purpose, just there looking at me. I now think that subconsciously, I was grasping at straws to find logic in what was happening. Only nine years old, my mind was incapable of processing what I was witnessing at that moment. What I did process, VERY clearly was that I had watched her casket lowered into her forever resting place, but now she was standing at my bedside. Then, she spoke. "Hi Preppy"! She called me preppy because I was the opposite of her. I was little, girly, not athletic, and childhood was easy for me. I yelled back, "GO AWAY!". I pulled the covers over my head, and when I gained the courage to peak, she was gone.

That was my first memory of a spiritual encounter. Looking back, it was when I knew I was different. I was scared of what that meant. I did not want to be different! So, I chose to forget both the memory and realization and move on with life.

FEEL

Now, nineteen. I just finished lighting the very last tealight candle for the evening. As I made my way to the front of the banquet room, admiring the sight in front of me. The only detail left was for me alone - "I did it" I screamed! I was a corporate event planner for the largest company in my little town before I was old enough to drink. At that moment, alone, I realized that I had successfully planned, developed, and executed a global conference. When, a few months prior, I was fumbling through each detail (having earned an Associates's Degree vs. a Bachelor's), convinced I was ill-equipped to pull it off. The party began.

My place for the evening was in the corner of the left-wing of the room. Out of sight enough but still available to attend to any detail needed. I sat and observed, filled with pride for what I had just accomplished. As the room crowded, I noticed a heavy feeling come over me. Overwhelming anxiety of varying emotions left me nauseous and dizzy. Stomach turning, hands shaking, I began to ask myself questions. "Did I eat today?". "How much sleep did I get last night?". "Am I forgetting something that I am not aware of?". Each question did not provide the answer to my acute wave of illness. Then, I remembered being told once as a child to fixate your sight on one object to relieve dizziness. I decided to fixate on a woman's beautiful dress in the middle of the room. Like a cat, one sparkle caught my eye, and in an instant, I was in a trance. Whew, relief, the dizziness lifted. However, as soon as I gained my footing, my internal compass felt extreme sadness. I knew immediately I was absorbing that lady's emotion. I also innately knew she had lost her child tragically recently. How did I know this? And why now? I decided to ignore my gut and fixate my sight on a handsome speaker at the podium. Again, my internal compass began to twirl, this time feeling fear. Hiring Mr. Green myself, I knew he was new to public speaking, but based upon my emotional absorption from him, he was terrified! Full of self-doubt and lacking confidence. Making a mental note to congratulate his speech personally and write an A++ review, I scanned the room for my next target. He is WAY over confidant! She is exhausted! "Jim, make sure he gets water from now on" that one is tipsy. I could identify the emotion that each person was feeling inside that room. Wow, I can manage the room nicely this way, superhero, me! Uh oh, maybe I am cursed or diseased? Too much emotion, I am draining, and I can't breathe.

That was my first memory of empathic abilities. Reflecting on that day, I can once again feel the emotion of that banquet room. Since then, this ability has remained with me. Increasing overtime, I learned how to control and shield the output of emotion into me. I have had to retreat to bed for days after being in a large crowd. I no longer need to do that!

PREDICT ~ MANIFEST

Twenty-six, established professionally, personally a single mom to an awesome daughter, and living my best life. Driving home from a work conference, I stopped at my childhood home to pee. A warm sunny Friday with an upcoming relaxing weekend with no possible worry on my mind or heart. Entering my childhood home is always bittersweet for me. I miss being a part of that home daily, seeing my parents and brother every day, and the comfort of childhood. With that said, I notice the peeling paint, outdated styles, and overall simplicity of their life. Rushing through the door, walking fastly down the hall, I yell to my mom, "Where is dad?" before she could even respond, I say: " I hope he is not on his motorcycle today"! I did not even listen to her response. I sat down and noticed a very agonizing feeling in my stomach that something was amiss. Thinking to myself, that was a weird question. I never question if my dad is home. I also never doubt his riding abilities, so why today?

By this age, I have learned to trust my instincts. Searching throughout the house for my mom in a panic, I found her on their back deck crying. I was too late to warn them. How can this be? I didn't even feel anything, randomly asking about my dad. If I have to live with this gift, why can't I prevent tragedies? She was on the phone, shaking. When I reached her - she said: "Dad was involved in a hit and run"! "Is he OK?!" I asked. He is alive but refused an ambulance ride - he needs you to take him to the hospital. From my childhood home to the accident was roughly a ten-minute drive, I got there in six minutes. His helmet crushed, his arms and skin torn from road rash. In pain and beat up but alive, conscious! On the way to the hospital, I explained my agonizing feeling earlier. I also told him of my motorcycle question. His response to me: "Amanda, did you predict this accident or manifest it?".

That was the first time I ever thought about predictions and manifestation. Could I have stopped the accident, or was it my fault it occurred? Can I predict a misfortune? Can I manifest a goal to come true? Since - this remains unanswered for me. Too many times to count, warnings have come true. I am always so fearful in case speaking up manifests the threat. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

DREAM REALITY

At thirty-seven, sleep is serenity. Running a busy household is HARD!!! Fifteen, nine, and five. All girls, all different ages, and all very strong-willed! Along with my children, my house is a never-ending to-do list. With mounds of laundry, consistent messes, never-ending meals, and two dogs added, I AM TIRED! On this specific night, I woke up suddenly, I think. I listened closely for a child whining or a dog scratching at the door to go out. Nothing, silence. I decided to get up as I was more awake than usual and check the time. 2:23 AM exact. I drank a glass of water and headed back to bed. I am uniquely able to get up, move around, and fall right back asleep instantly. It's a skill that makes my husband jealous. The next evening, Deja Vu! No scratching, no whining - suddenly awake. This time, when my eyes opened, a woman was standing at my bedside dressed in all white glowing. I could not recognize her face, but my stomach told me she was an angel. My thoughts whispered to me that she was with me and that I would be alright. I opened and shut my eyes - she was there! Under the blanket and back up, she was still there! The white angel was not my imagination, and she had a message for me. Craving that glass of water, I looked at the time again - 2:23 AM! Coincidence? I knew better.

If your angels are sending you angel number 23, this means that you should make use of your natural talents and abilities. Have faith and trust in the change coming to your life!

The next day, my big brother and I were driving. He was released a few weeks earlier from prison (he suffered from addiction). Riding with him that day was priceless! I saw my big brother (not the addict). We laughed, we talked about my visiting white angel and his recent dream visitors (this was the FIRST time we had ever discussed our gifts). My big brother was back and I could not have been filled with more happiness, hope, and joy! This was also the last time I got to see my big brother! It was Friday, July 9, 2021, the day he was being released from his halfway house. The first day of his true freedom. On July 13, 2021, Sammy relapsed and passed away from a Fetynol overdose. Was my white angel there to help me through his passing? Why did she come to me and why 2:23?

All things come full circle, just now - as I am writing this story, I realize that I am chasing my dreams that I started when he was in prison. I always mailed him the first draft to review. 2:23 dream interpretation: Use your talents and creativity to inspire and heal while also making an income. I did not understand her, nor that number until right now! I now listen very closely to my dreams and always journal the time when I wake.

PRACTICE

Thirty-eight, laying with my middle daughter to fall asleep. Her heart was racing, her mind chaotic with fearful thoughts. Every night is a battle between sleeping independently but disturbed or with us peacefully. My poor girl has always suffered in her sleep, but this night she was paralyzed in fear. Tormented, is the only possible word to describe what I witness each evening. My aunt is a Median, who has taught me a few tools of this family gift that was passed down to me. One is the white light of protection mantra. On this evening, my heart could not bear to watch her suffer any longer. I placed my hands on her body. One on her forehead and one over her heart. I repeated the white light protection mantra, with my add libbed wording. I envisioned my daughter being wrapped and protected into a peaceful sleep. Within minutes, she was snoring. She was peaceful!

Since that evening, I have repeated this mantra on three separate occasions. On each occasion, there was a recordable impact. I am very hesitant to practice, and usually only react to what I feel, predict, and dream as with light comes dark. Good comes bad.

My empathic abilities are significantly tied to emotion, those around me, and my own within. They are also often a reflection of pain. Illness, death, sadness, fear, uncertainty, etc... Feeling such disparity can feel like a curse at times. I am often misunderstood, a misfit.

"Sometimes the kindest hearts, have felt the most pain" - Unknown

With that said: I accept my gifts, believe in myself, and trust in my white angel. I am meant to heal! I am an empath and will use my innate abilities to heal and help all who I can! I will give back to the world, each day, through my intuition!