How to Support a Loved One Who Struggles with Panic Attacks

If you’ve ever watched a loved one go through a panic attack, you probably felt like a helpless bystander in a chaotic movie scene. You want to help, but what do you do? Should you hug them? Should you give them space? Should you suggest deep breathing, or does that sound like you’re brushing off their experience? If you’ve found yourself scrambling to figure out how best to support someone during a panic attack, you’re not alone.

Panic attacks can feel terrifying, both for the person experiencing them and for anyone witnessing them. The good news is that with a little bit of knowledge and understanding, you can be a rock-solid source of support during these tough moments. In this article, we’ll break down how to be there for a loved one when panic strikes – with practical tips, comforting suggestions, and a dash of humor to keep things light (because honestly, we all need a laugh sometimes).

What Exactly is a Panic Attack?

Before we dive into the supporting part, let's take a quick minute to understand what a panic attack actually is. Picture this: you're minding your business, maybe even in a completely normal situation, when suddenly, your heart starts racing, your chest feels tight, your breath gets short, and you’re overwhelmed by the sense that something really terrible is about to happen (even if there's no actual danger around you). It feels like you’re losing control, and your body is convinced that you're in serious danger.

That's a panic attack. It can last anywhere from a few minutes to half an hour (though for many, it feels like an eternity). The physical and emotional symptoms are no joke, and they can leave a person feeling utterly drained afterward.

It’s important to note that panic attacks don’t always have a clear cause. They might be triggered by stress, but sometimes, they just pop up uninvited. That’s why it can be so baffling for someone who's never experienced one – they might have no idea why it's happening. So, if you're supporting someone who’s having a panic attack, it's good to remember that it’s not something they can just “snap out of,” and your role is to help them through it with patience and care.

What NOT to Do During a Panic Attack

Okay, let’s start with the don’ts. Because honestly, we’ve all been in situations where we tried to help, but it just made things worse. Here’s a quick list of things to avoid:

Don’t minimize their experience: Phrases like “Just calm down” or “It’s not a big deal, it’s just a panic attack” may sound like you're trying to reassure them, but it might come off as dismissive. A panic attack is terrifying, and telling someone to simply “calm down” isn’t helpful.

Don’t try to force them to stop: Sometimes, people will say things like, “You need to stop freaking out” in an attempt to help. But honestly, panic attacks aren’t something a person can control in the moment. It’s like trying to stop a runaway train – it’s just not that easy.

Don’t make it about you: If you feel helpless or anxious yourself (understandable!), try not to let that affect how you respond. Your loved one needs your calm, not your panic.

Don’t give unsolicited advice: While well-meaning, telling someone to “try yoga” or “eat more leafy greens” during a panic attack might not be the right moment. Save the advice for later when they’re feeling more like themselves.

What TO Do During a Panic Attack

So now, let’s get into the good stuff: how you can actually help. Here are some key ways to support someone who’s in the middle of a panic attack:

1. Stay Calm

This might seem obvious, but staying calm is your superpower in this situation. If you’re anxious or nervous, it can amplify their feelings of anxiety. Take a deep breath. If you feel yourself getting panicky, take a moment to gather your own thoughts. A steady presence will help them feel more grounded.

If you’ve ever tried to calm someone down while you’re also losing your cool, you know it doesn’t work. So channel your inner zen master, and be the calm in the storm.

2. Validate Their Experience

When someone is in the midst of a panic attack, they often feel embarrassed or ashamed. They may think they’re overreacting or that they’re not being rational. It’s important to reassure them that it’s okay to feel how they feel. You can say something like, “I know this is really scary, but I’m here with you. You’re not alone.” Validating their emotions helps reduce the isolation that often comes with anxiety.

3. Help Them Breathe

One of the biggest symptoms of a panic attack is shortness of breath, so focusing on deep breathing can help. You can guide them through it with a technique like “4-7-8” breathing, where they inhale for 4 seconds, hold the breath for 7 seconds, and exhale slowly for 8 seconds. It might take a little while to get the hang of it, but it can significantly reduce the intensity of the panic attack.

If they’re too far gone in the panic spiral to follow instructions, just sit quietly with them and breathe deeply yourself. Sometimes, just seeing someone else breathe calmly can help ground them.

4. Offer Physical Comfort (if they're open to it)

Some people find comfort in physical touch, while others might feel overwhelmed by it. If you’re not sure, ask or offer gently. A comforting hand on their shoulder, a hug, or holding their hand can help them feel supported. But always respect their boundaries, especially if they need space.

5. Create a Safe, Quiet Space

Sometimes, the environment can make a panic attack worse. If you’re in a busy, crowded place, consider gently guiding them to a quieter space where they can regroup. The calmness of a private room or a peaceful corner can make a big difference.

6. Distract and Ground Them

Sometimes, a simple distraction can help break the cycle of overwhelming thoughts. Gently engaging them in conversation can take their mind off the panic attack. Ask them to tell you about their favorite movie or song. Alternatively, use a grounding technique like the “5-4-3-2-1” exercise, where you help them focus on:

5 things they can see

4 things they can touch

3 things they can hear

2 things they can smell

1 thing they can taste

These steps help distract the mind and reconnect the body with the present moment, easing the intensity of the attack.

7. Be Patient – This Isn’t About You

Sometimes, you might feel like you’re not getting through or that your efforts aren’t working. You might want to fix it, to end the panic attack right then and there. But here’s the thing: panic attacks don’t work on a strict timeline. Your patience, empathy, and presence are the best tools you can offer. If they need space, give it to them. If they need time to process afterward, be there quietly.

After the Panic Attack: Check-In and Offer Support

Once the panic attack has passed, it’s easy for both of you to feel relief. But don’t just move on like nothing happened. Check in with your loved one, and offer a comforting follow-up. Acknowledge how difficult it was for them and let them know you’re proud of how they handled it (even if it felt like a complete mess). Gently ask if they’d like to talk about it, or if they need some time alone.

Also, keep in mind that recovery from a panic attack doesn’t always happen immediately. Your loved one may feel drained, embarrassed, or emotionally wiped out after the fact. So offer to stay with them, or suggest a quiet activity they enjoy, like watching a favorite show or taking a walk.

Supporting someone through a panic attack is not always easy. It requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to be there for them even when it feels uncomfortable. But your love and presence can make a world of difference. By staying calm, validating their experience, and offering comfort, you’ll be a safe space they can rely on when panic strikes. And when all else fails, a good dose of humor – once things have settled – can remind both of you that you can get through this together, one deep breath at a time.

Remember, you’re doing great. Panic attacks don’t come with a handbook, but by showing up for your loved one, you’re already making a bigger impact than you realize. So give yourself some credit, and keep being the rock they need – panic attack or not!

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