How to Love Yourself After a Toxic Relationship

Loving yourself again after walking away from a toxic relationship feels like learning to breathe after being underwater for too long. It’s not easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight. Toxic relationships don’t just break your heart—they leave you questioning your worth, your decisions, and sometimes, your very identity.

I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to lose yourself in the chaos of someone else’s love. To give and give until there’s nothing left of you. And when it finally ends, you’re left standing in the ruins, wondering how to piece yourself back together.

Loving yourself after such an experience is one of the bravest journeys you’ll ever take. Here’s what I’ve learned along the way.

1. Acknowledge What You’ve Been Through

Before healing begins, you have to face the truth of what you endured. Toxic relationships thrive on denial—denial of red flags, of hurtful patterns, of how much it’s breaking you. When it’s over, it’s easy to either minimize the pain or get stuck replaying every moment in your mind.

Allow yourself to grieve. Cry if you need to. Write it all down in a journal. Speak to a trusted friend or therapist. Admit to yourself that you were hurt, manipulated, or made to feel less than you deserve. Don’t rush this step. It’s the foundation for healing.

2. Forgive Yourself

This is one of the hardest parts. I spent months blaming myself—thinking I should have seen the signs earlier, should have left sooner, or should have fought harder to fix things. The weight of that guilt nearly broke me.

But here’s the truth: loving someone isn’t a mistake. Trusting them, hoping for better, or staying longer than you should—those aren’t signs of weakness. They’re signs of a heart that wanted to believe in love.

Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know, for what you couldn’t control, and for the mistakes you might have made. You’re human. And now that you know better, you’ll do better.

3. Reclaim Your Identity

Toxic relationships often strip away pieces of who you are. You shrink yourself to avoid conflict, dim your light to make someone else shine, or bury your dreams to support theirs. When it ends, you might feel like a stranger to yourself.

Take time to rediscover what makes you you. What do you love? What brings you joy? What are your values, your passions, your dreams? Try new hobbies, revisit old ones, or simply spend time alone, learning to enjoy your own company again.

For me, this meant writing, hiking, and reconnecting with my faith. It reminded me that I am more than the person I was in that relationship.

4. Set Boundaries and Keep Them

Healing isn’t just about moving on—it’s about making sure you never end up in the same place again. Setting boundaries is an act of self-love. It’s saying, “I will not allow anyone to treat me less than I deserve.”

These boundaries aren’t just for others—they’re for yourself, too. It’s about not settling for less, not excusing red flags, and not sacrificing your peace for someone else’s comfort.

5. Speak Kindly to Yourself

After a toxic relationship, the harshest voice you’ll hear might be your own. It’s the voice that tells you you’re not good enough, that you’re unlovable, or that you’ll never find better.

Silence that voice. Replace it with affirmations of self-love. Tell yourself, “I am worthy of love. I am enough. I am healing, one day at a time.” Write these affirmations down. Say them out loud. Make them your truth.

6. Surround Yourself with Love

Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Surround yourself with people who love you, uplift you, and remind you of your worth. Friends, family, mentors—anyone who makes you feel seen and valued.

Their love can’t replace the love you lost, but it can remind you of the kind of love you deserve. It can serve as a mirror, reflecting back the beauty and strength you might not see in yourself yet.

7. Find Purpose in the Pain

As painful as it is, your experience has shaped you. It’s taught you lessons about love, strength, and resilience. Use those lessons to grow. For me, this meant sharing my story and helping others who might be in the same situation.

Your pain doesn’t define you, but it can refine you. It can make you kinder, wiser, and stronger than you ever thought possible.

8. Celebrate Your Progress

Healing is not a straight line. Some days, you’ll feel invincible. Other days, the pain might resurface, and you’ll feel like you’re back at square one. That’s okay. It’s all part of the process.

Celebrate the small victories—the days you laugh again, the nights you sleep peacefully, the moments you feel whole. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a testament to your strength.

9. Choose Yourself, Every Day

The ultimate act of self-love is choosing yourself. It’s waking up every day and deciding to prioritize your peace, your happiness, and your growth. It’s refusing to settle for anything less than the love you deserve—especially from yourself.

You are not defined by the love you didn’t receive. You are defined by the love you choose to give yourself moving forward.



Loving yourself after a toxic relationship is hard, but it’s also the most empowering thing you’ll ever do. It’s a journey of rediscovery, healing, and growth. And as someone who’s walked this path, let me tell you: it’s worth it.

You are worthy of love—especially your own. Never forget that.