How to let go: A 4-Step Guide for a Blissful Life

Ever wondered why we hold on to the things that hurt us? Although most of us know that holding on is destructive to our growth, we still do it. And, if this sounds like you, then you must understand the reason behind this ‘why’. Moreover, by learning how to let go of things that hurt, you can change your life drastically.

Let us first understand what suffering means.

Humans and Suffering - A Long-Term Relationship

We all have experienced suffering in our lives in some form or the other. It could be due to heartbreak, relationship failure, loss of a loved one, financial crisis, career-related failure, or other big problems.

Every human being goes through some bad phases in life. These bad phases end quickly for some, while others suffer for a very long period. Thus, first, you need to acknowledge the fact that you are not struggling alone. Moreover, it is your reaction to these tragedies that decides how long the bad phase lasts in your life.

So, you can choose between continuing suffering and letting it go.

Also, many people in this world have problems that we cannot imagine happening to us. Problems are a part of life, and you need to get off the idea of having a perfect life. Without a doubt, the only way to live a happy life is to change the lens through which you see the calamities that come your way.

This article will help you learn how to let go of the things that hurt you and start a new life with courage and bliss. Let’s discover the power of letting go!

Let's first start with your problems

I want to take the example of one of my friends who suffered from a long phase of depression. Here are some insights into her story.

• She was a good student and was highly career oriented. In her college days, she got into a relationship with a guy who was a very close friend of hers. Besides, she was very serious about their relationship, so much so that she wanted to marry him.
• But unfortunately, the guy exploited her only to fulfill his sexual desires. However, my friend was so blinded by her emotions that she failed to see the truth.

• Throughout this phase, the guy had been abusive and violent to her but she still blindly loved him. She became submissive. This indicates that she also had low self-esteem issues.
• She attached all her happiness to him, not knowing that this very attachment was about to take away all her happiness.
• Finally, one day the guy left our home country (India) and moved to the USA. They were in contact for some days and suddenly the guy abandoned her. It was very difficult for her to even believe that this was happening.

• From there, her suffering escalated even more. She failed to concentrate on her studies and ended up with a bad career choice. At this time, she was still waiting for this guy to come back. Also, there are many other details that I cannot talk about here. All we can say is God wanted to teach her the lesson of how to let go. Her hands were emptied only to give her something immensely better.

Three years later, she became the strongest person I had ever seen. I was with her throughout her recovery phase. I saw her changing into a person of high value. The guy never came back, but she is happy now. She is not married yet, but she is happy. She has many problems in her life, but she is happy. She is content with life and helps others too.

So, what helped her change so drastically?

Let me walk you through the steps she followed.

Step-1: She dumped out all her problems on a piece of paper

She wrote down a big list of problems whether big or small. Writing down helped her clear her mind from the burden of thoughts she was carrying in her head. She listed out everything that was making her suffer so badly.

In short, she dumped all her worries on a piece of paper.

Your Task:

Now, it’s your turn to take a piece of paper and write down all your problems. Just dump out everything and give your brain some relief.

Step-2: She then categorized her problems into two categories

Category-1: Problems she had no control over (E.g., Her heartbreak).

Category-2: Problems she had control over (E.g., Her failed career).

This helped her see what was in her control and what was not. This clarity helped her take further actions to improve her situation.

Your task:

Go ahead and categorize your problems into these two categories.

Some problems have solutions and you can do something about them. For example, losing a job, being overweight, etc.

Whereas some problems have a permanence to them and you can’t do anything about them. For example, the death of a loved one, or a major accident that resulted in a permanent disability. In such a scenario, you can still control how you feel about the situation.

So, first, get some clarity about your problems by categorizing them into the above two types.

Step-3: She addressed her category-1 problems

She wrote down all the possible consequences she might have to face if the problem continues. In her case, she realized that if she continued waiting for the guy, she could lose her youthful years.

She realized she must use her time on something productive. The hurt she felt stopped her from doing anything meaningful. So, she decided to get rid of category-1 problems. She understood that she had no control over those problems and she changed her way of looking at those problems.

She stopped expecting him to come back. She controlled her emotions and realized that spending time worrying about her future was wasting her time and energy. Furthermore, she understood that the guy did not deserve her tears. Also, she recognized the fact that she was not giving herself the self-worth she deserved.

She journaled all her thoughts and worked on improving her thought processes. She stopped caring about the past and never looked back. She mastered living in the present and thinking positively about her future.

Your Task:

Remove the burden of thoughts from your head + Replace the negative thoughts with positive ones + See your past problems as lessons + Move on and don’t look back.

Below are the steps you can follow to achieve the above-mentioned.

13 Steps to ditching your category-1 problems:

1. First, accept the permanence of the problem. Know that the problem is real and you have no control over it.

2. List down the consequences of you dwelling on the problem forever. Write down clearly what will happen if you continue behaving like this. Also, write down what good can happen if you change your ways.

3. In the end, you will realize that one day you will have to face the bad consequences if you don’t change yourself. So, the solution is to stop dwelling on the past and start working for something better. Look forward and move towards a better future. So, why delay it? Do it now!

4. After that, make two promises to yourself:

• Promise yourself that you will not waste any more time on this shit.
• Promise yourself that you will no longer depend on people or things for your happiness.

When your happiness depends on external factors, it can never last long. But we human beings need something or someone to comfort us. To be real, we cannot stay happy all by ourselves.

So, the best solid thing you can depend on is God. Work on improving your connection with God. God is always with you whether you are in pain or happiness.

5. Never depend on this world for happiness as it will always break your heart.

Let me explain to you with an example. If you connect your happiness to money, your heart will break when you lose it. Consequently, you will always worry about losing money. The same thing applies when you connect your happiness to a person or a thing of this world. This is a vicious cycle of dependence and heartbreak – don’t get caught in it.

Just love people and enjoy this worldly life but do not attach your happiness to it.

There are millions of people who ask questions like, how to let go of someone you love, how to let go of the past, how to let go of grudges, how to let go of anger, and how to let go of resentment, etc.

But I want them to learn how to let go and let God, how to let go and be yourself, and how to let go and move on.

6. Now tear down the paper on which you listed your problems and flush down the pieces in the toilet.

7. Cry for the one last time as much as you want.

8. Now, wipe your tears and take a new book or a diary. Label it as your daily journal.

9. The next step is to write down all the blessings you have. It is called ‘gratitude journaling’. I guess you might already know about gratitude journaling.

10. Compare yourself with someone who has more difficulties in life than you. This will make you realize that you are not alone in this struggle. Moreover, you should help others who are in pain. This will give you immense joy that cannot to expressed in words.

Blessings could be any good that you have. Here are some examples of the things that I am thankful for – write as I have done here.

• I get to eat tasty food every day, I don’t have to worry about my next meal. (Better than millions of homeless people who can’t even feed their children)
• I have an internet connection that I can use to learn and work on my dream projects. (Better than millions of young students who want to study but can’t afford the right education)
• My every body part is healthy and fully functioning. I can use my body to do good things. It's easier for me to work for my goals. (Better than people with disabilities who wished they just had a normal body to live better)
• I still have my parents alive with me so that I can serve them. (Better than people who took their parents for granted and never cared for them while they were alive and now live a regretful life, wishing to have the last chance to serve their parents).

I want you to think deeply to recognize how many blessings you have. You should use your blessings to help others who have less than you.

11. Practice ‘gratitude journaling’ three times a day for at least five months. Whenever you feel like your life sucks, then refer to this journal. Force your brain towards positivity. You cannot afford to stay weak!

This practice will rewire your brain. Eventually, your past problems will no longer hurt you.

12. Next step is to list all the healthy things you can do to make yourself feel good. I am talking about clean fun activities. For example, gardening, art & craft, writing, painting, picking a new hobby, joining a new course or gym, starting a new business or a project, etc. Avoid things like binge-watching Netflix, drinking alcohol, listening to emotional songs, and similar stuff. Such things will ruin you. In short, choose healthy ways to escape.

13. Whenever you find yourself drawn back toward the old thoughts, use this handy list of fun activities and force yourself to do one of them.

Ditching the problems is a process. Do not beat yourself up if negative thoughts cross your mind. There is a way of dealing with negative thoughts which will help you stop them immediately.

I will talk about this methodology in another post.

You need to understand that ditching means letting go of the problems and welcoming the new. You have to actively work on the process. Sometimes, this might seem difficult at the start but you have to force yourself to continue. In the end, it's worth it.

Welcome the new by active exploration:

This involves goal setting. You need to explore your passion and start working on something that adds value to people's lives. This will make you love what you do and you will slowly detach yourself from the past.

You can refer to my other articles too. As a health and lifestyle coach, I write about living a better life.

Step-4: After this, my friend addressed her category-2 problems

For my friend, her ruined career was something she had control over. She understood that job was not the ultimate answer to success. So, she got rid of the shitty job she was doing and started working on her dreams. She started a new project and it turned out to be a very successful business. She was doing what she loved, and this helped her get busy with the good things. Eventually, she changed her life so much so that her past no more made her cry.

What should you do?

Write down what actions you can take to solve the problems that are under your control. Draft a road map to get to that goal.

Remember that you will face challenges. Take these challenges as lessons and not something that makes you give up. Have a clear picture of what you want to achieve in the next five years. Just move forward and never look back, except for the lessons you learned.

Do not abandon mingling with people. Live passionately, find a purpose, help others and set up a value-driven business. There is so much you can do to move on. Learning how to let go of things is the first step you can take.

Never compare yourselves to someone richer or seemingly happier than you. You may never know what their struggles are. Most people only put out the glittery side of their lives. So, don’t let them fool you.

Everyone has a different story.

Conclusion

Remember that with the power of letting go, you can achieve great things in life.

Letting go is a journey. The things of the past should be left in the past. When you carry them with you, they become a burden. To let go is to welcome and embrace change.

I hope you found this article helpful in understanding your problems. I also believe that after reading this post you have a clear picture of how to let go of the problems you are always worried about. More importantly, I wish you all the best in your journey of discovering the magnificent power of letting go.