How to Be Happy, Truthfully

I think there are a lot of misconceptions about happiness out there. And well I’m going to go ahead here and use this space to share some of my thoughts and opinions…and it’s driven by experience and intuition and I mean it in good faith and in sharing true advice.

I think we go about happiness all wrong most of the time. I think as a society we got it a bit backward, mixed up. We think that happiness is something we find, something that we chase. If we can just change this life circumstance or avoid this or that, then happiness will appear. If we’re with this person, they’ll make us happy. Or if we go here and do this we’ll be happy. Yeah, I don’t think it works that way at all. And this is coming from the life I lived. It wasn’t until I changed my whole way of thinking about happiness that I started to actually feel happy. Happiness has to start inside and then come outward into our lives.

Happiness isn’t only about having things in your life that bring joy. It’s also about getting rid of toxic and negative things in your life. But mostly I think it’s about how you think. Mindset baby. It’s so much about mindset. Life is always going to have sucky moments. How you learn how to react and process them makes the ultimate difference in your overall happiness. This powerful mindset also empowers you to make the positive changes you need to in your life. Period. Mic drop.

Okay, not really. I wasn’t going to leave you hanging there.

Happiness isn’t just about doing the right things. Happiness is also about not doing the wrong things.

You might not even realize the things you’re doing to sabotage your chances for happiness. Here's a list of 9 things you need to focus on decreasing to increase your happiness.

Complaining.

Complaining to yourself and others isn’t going to get you anywhere. It wastes your time and puts your mind into a negative state which is literally like cooking noodles without water. How is that helpful? Complaining is an energy sucker. It takes away from the time you can be spending working on finding a solution. Now, let's get clear here though. There's a difference between a good, needed venting session and an over the top complaining and whining fest. Know where to draw the line with yourself and with others.

Setting unrealistic goals.

Okay, tough love, real moment here. Your mother told you that you could be anything. She lied, because she loves you. You aren't going to turn into a mermaid, at least not like the ones we see in the movies. The odds of becoming a billionaire overnight? Let’s just say the odds aren’t in your favor. You’re not likely to lose 50 pounds this month either, and that wouldn't be healthy. I'm all about "where there's a will, there's a way" but in a realistic perspective kind of way folks. Set reasonable goals you can achieve in the next 2-3 months. You need to build stepping blocks for yourself. This is how you grow. Have you ever watched a flower? It starts as a seed, becomes a sprout, and then grows into a bloom. It does go from seed to blossom in a day.

Perfection.

I know it’s not easy to be happy when you fail 100% of the time. And that's what it feels like when you are constantly setting those standards for yourself. As a recovering perfectionist over here (I’m a Virgo y’all, it’s weaved into my personality), this one is hard but what is even harder is feeling stuck all of the time because you have set these impossible to reach standards and goals. Imperfection is really beautiful. And fun too. It's kind of awesome to make mistakes. You get to laugh at yourself sometimes and some really cool stuff can be discovered in our mistakes also. The discovery part, I am loving, especially as an artist and creator. Find something you can lean into as you're getting used to this. We can't be perfect, we aren't designed to be perfect. Focus on growth instead. Set your sights on consistent improvement. This is an achievable goal, and you’ll feel great about yourself for it!

The past.

Learn what you can from your past and then push forward. The past only exists in your mind. You can't change the past. No one else cares, and there’s no good reason why you should either. And if they do, well that's their issue being stuck there. You don't need to stay stuck there too. Just let it go. Don't allow yourself to be controlled by things you have no control over.

The need to be comfortable.

If you need to be comfortable all of the time, you’ll never be happy. Growth occurs during times of discomfort. This is where we learn and experience new things. Keep in mind that personal growth is such an important part of happiness. Now, this doesn't mean you should live your entire life in discomfort, y’all. This just means don't turn away from all new experiences. Sometimes things are uncomfortable just because they are new. Evaluate each situation individually and ask yourself, does this feel uncomfortable to me because it's unsafe or because it's new? If it's unsafe, then there should be a boundary there.

The need to impress others.

Doesn't this one take over so much of our lives? Like ugh. We spend far too much time worrying about what others think about our clothes, car, job, etc. Let yourself be free from these chains!! Worrying about something you can’t control is such a recipe for an emotional disaster. It takes away so much from our own personal satisfaction. Let this one go. Let it fly right out that window. The ones that should be in our lives, we don't need to try and impress because they will like us just for who we are authentically.

Negative self-talk.

What kinds of things do you say to yourself? If you make a mistake, do you beat yourself up for it? What kind of thoughts about yourself run through your mind? Are they bullying, doubting, harsh? What if you tried giving yourself some positive self-talk? Like trying to pump yourself up all day long instead of beating yourself up? Start telling yourself how amazing you are!

Negative people.

The quality of people in your life has an enormous impact on your happiness. Everything feels so much lighter in your life when you start detoxing these peeps out of your life. And it's a tough process. Negative people are energy suckers, like total energy vampires. They can come in many forms and be in many areas of your life. It's important to minimize your exposure to them. Instead, seek out positive people that support you. At the very least, only include people in your life that don’t sabotage you or make you unhappy. This one is huge…like really huge. One day you’ll be sitting there and be all like, “whoa the people around me are awesome and really empower me to be myself and I am blooming because of it.”...I’m just saying go for this!

Being resistant to change.

If there's anything I have learned in life, it's that nothing stays the same. Life is full of change. We have to be willing to adapt and to roll with it. Change is coming whether you want it or not. Your kids will grow up and move away. A family member or friend will pass away. You’ll grow old. Change is one of the few constants in life. If you refuse to accept it and move through the changes, life is going to be really hard on you. So, get ready to roll. But remember change can also be fun and exciting if you allow it to be.

There are lots of habits that everyone will tell you to do to bring more happiness into your life, but it’s possible you’re sabotaging your chances for happiness which can leave you in a vicious cycle. Adding more to your list can feel overwhelming. Try taking an inward look at your life and see if there are some things you need to adjust that could improve your happiness first. Start with your mind, is your mind in a positive spot for making positive changes?