How to be a "selfish" Empath

Are you an empath? Are you too giving? There are all kinds of stuff all over social media & the internet about all the signs of an empath, so this isn’t going to be another one of those. What is the definition of empathy? The dictionary definition is: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. The dictionary definition of empath is: a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.

I’m honestly not really sure it’s a paranormal ability. I am an empath; I’d describe it as more spiritual than paranormal personally.

So, are there definite signs that a person is an empath? From my experience, the number 1 thing is basically, the dictionary definition of empathy. The ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Some people are more empathic than others. Many empaths don’t like large crowds. Even though I am very empathic, just being in a large crowd doesn’t bother me really, but I also am very withdrawn and kind of a loner even though there’s lots of people around. For example, I love going to fairs & concerts, I go with a select few people, my husband & maybe my daughter & grand kids or a couple friends. I am very observant of what is going on around me, but at the same time, especially if we are in a big group like a concert, I usually just speak to the people in my little group. It’s not because I’m “stuck up”, it’s because that’s how I’m comfortable.

Another thing I really need to bring up is that I am a very easy person to talk to and a good listener and even people that I just met will open up to me and tell me their life story if I let them. If this describes you as well, let me give you a warning. There are energy vampires out there. They want to dump their problems on you, so that they feel better after they talk to you, but you leave the conversation feeling their pain. I have had to learn to listen without that happening. Now, you’re probably asking how I do that. Well, it took me years, and if I just met or barely know somebody I don’t what I call, “let them in”. First of all, you can listen to their story without looking them in the eyes. Eyes are the window of the soul, so you can look towards them & listen without looking deep in their eyes. Second, don’t tough them. I know, if someone is sad, it’s natural to give them a hug for comfort, but that’s a huge transfer of energy. Now recently, my best friend’s dad passed away & I gave her a big hug & purposely gave her some healing energy. But if you just met someone or they’re an acquaintance, just reach out gently, if they want a hug, make it light. Don’t hug them tightly, that is a huge transfer of energy both ways & you will feel their pain & they will feel your light. I understand, you want to help them, but remember, they will feel better because they got their problems off their chest without you feeling everything they do.

Also, people will attempt to take advantage of you too. I have had to learn the hard way not to “loan” things I want back. Even when it seems people have the best intentions; things seem to happen to them. You’ll hear excuses like: “it was stolen from me” or “I lost it” or “I’m sorry, I had to pay my light bill, so I still don’t have the money to pay you back.” I cannot count the number of times I’ve heard excuse after excuse, even from people I thought I knew & could trust. So, call me selfish if you want, but I just can’t afford to keep helping everyone else. Now, I will give people food, I don’t want anyone to go hungry & I can usually afford to at least buy someone a small meal. Sometimes even just a $1 cheeseburger can make someone’s day. I also donate to food pantries & clothes, when I moved & downsized, I donated furniture too. I’m not completely heartless.

Anyway, I hope this helps you not have to go through everything I had to for these lessons to be learned. Thanks for reading!