How I Stepped into the Life I Used to be Afraid to Want

For a long time, I lived small on purpose. I didn’t dream too loudly. I didn’t ask for too much. I didn’t reach too far. Somewhere deep inside me, I believed the life I actually wanted wasn’t meant for me. It felt too big, too bright, too bold for someone like me, someone who had been told to tone it down, be realistic, stay grateful for the little I had, and never expect more.

So I learned to be content with crumbs. I learned to admire from a distance. I learned to call my fear “humility” and my hesitation “being practical.” What I didn’t realize was that I wasn’t being humble, I was scared. Scared of wanting. Scared of failing. Scared of outgrowing people who wouldn’t understand. Scared of stepping into a version of myself that didn’t fit the old narrative I had lived inside for so many years.

The Moment I Realized I Was Afraid of My Own Dreams

It didn’t happen all at once. It was a collection of moments. Quiet ones. Private ones. The kind you don’t tell anyone about because they feel like secrets whispered only to you.

There was the night I caught myself daydreaming about the life I really wanted and immediately shut it down because it felt impossible.

There was the morning I looked around and realized nothing in my life reflected who I truly was on the inside.

There was a feeling, subtle but persistent, like a tug from my soul saying, “You were meant for more than this.”

But perhaps the most defining moment was when I recognized that the only thing standing between me and the life I desired was me.

Not a lack of talent.

Not a lack of opportunity.

Not other people’s opinions.

Just my own fear of stepping into something bigger.

Why Wanting More Feels Dangerous When You’ve Been Hurt

People who have been dismissed, belittled, or chronically overlooked learn to lower their expectations. It becomes a survival strategy. If you don’t hope for too much, you can’t be disappointed. If you don’t dream too big, you won’t risk being judged. If you stay small, you stay safe or so it seems.

But here’s the truth I had to face:

Playing small didn’t protect me. It imprisoned me.

I was living a life shaped more by fear than desire.

Fear told me I wasn’t ready.

Fear told me I wasn’t deserving.

Fear told me abundance was for other people, not me.

Fear told me I was selfish for wanting more.

Desire, on the other hand, was quiet but steady.

It didn’t yell. It didn’t demand.

It simply waited for me to stop running from it.

The First Step Was Allowing Myself to Want

Before I could change anything externally, I had to make peace with the fact that I wanted a life bigger than the one I had. I had to admit to myself that the dreams I secretly carried weren’t delusions they were directions.

So I started asking myself questions I had avoided for years:

• What do I actually want?
• What version of me have I been suppressing?
• If fear wasn’t in the equation, what would I choose?

These questions cracked something open. Desire began to breathe again.

Rising into a Bigger Life Wasn’t Glamorous, It Was Messy

People romanticize transformation, but the truth is far less aesthetic. Becoming who I wanted to be required grieving who I used to be. It required unlearning patterns of self-doubt, releasing relationships built on the version of me that dimmed her light, and letting go of the illusion of security that came from settling.

It required:

• uncomfortable honesty
• saying no more often
• saying yes to things that scared me
• boundaries that felt foreign
• trusting myself long before I saw results

But slowly, beautifully, things started shifting.

What Saying Yes to Abundance Actually Looked Like

Abundance wasn’t just money.

It wasn’t material things.

It wasn’t external validation.

Abundance was:

• Having time to rest
• Surrounding myself with people who genuinely supported me
• Making space for creativity
• Choosing opportunities that aligned with my soul
• Allowing myself to receive without guilt
• Letting my voice, my art, my presence take up space

The more I stepped into this way of living, the more natural it became. The more aligned I felt. The more my life began to reflect the version of me I had suppressed for so long.

The Life I Used to Fear Is the Life I Now Call Home

Here is the truth I wish I could tell my past self:

You are not foolish for wanting more.

You are not greedy for dreaming bigger.

You are not unworthy of the life that calls to you.

You are simply becoming.

And the life you’re afraid to want?

It’s not too big for you.

It’s made for you.

Your fear is just a sign that you’re stepping into new territory, the territory of expansion, abundance, and self-belief.

Final Thoughts: Your Turn to Step Forward

If your soul is tugging at you the way mine once tugged at me, listen.

If there’s a dream you keep pushing away because it scares you, explore it.

If there’s a version of yourself you’ve kept hidden, let her breathe again.

The life you want is not a fantasy, it’s an invitation.

You don’t have to leap.

You just have to begin.