How I Escaped the Negative Thought Loop That Kept Me Down and Stuck

"You will never be free until you free yourself from the prison of your false thoughts." ~ Philip Arnold

Do you ever doubt yourself? As if no matter how hard you try, it is not enough.

Do you always think you can do more? Or that someone else is doing a lot, so why aren't you at their level?

I don't fit right.

Do you keep your thoughts to yourself because you feel that your opinion doesn't matter?

I'm not smart enough.

Or what if you have become careless with your social media? He sees beautiful people taking such beautiful pictures and they look so happy.

I'm not attractive enough.

These negative thoughts of burning fire constantly remind us of our mistakes and shortcomings. These negative thinking logs are like fishing nets. We swim with them. Every day. Each time.

This year I was really immersed in the negative thinking lines. My grandmother died. Shortly thereafter, I accompanied my parents on the divorce proceedings. After the divorce, my boyfriend and I went back with my mother to support her. Money was scarce.

I have descended into negative thinking, often criticizing myself for being a frustrated grandchild, a son, and a partner, and complete disappointment.

I didn't like them, and you needed more than a powerful microscope to find the problem of self-confidence inside me.

Negative thoughts that focus on re-playing are dangerous because if you say something over and over again, you believe it.

Also, if you are like me, these beliefs can be crippling.

The Snare of Comparison

In today's world of technology and the media, scrolling is second only to us.

Is it really weird?

After all, you get to see all the good things other people do. Amazing photos and videos taken by beautiful people doing amazing things.

I wish that was me.

That fear is quickly turned into jealousy, and you may suddenly feel overwhelmed by your health.

But we continue to do it. Every day, we scrutinize, looking for the next beat of dopamine and jealousy — provided by mass social media.

I did this every day, several times a day, and especially as an escape.

I immersed myself in the life of someone else who had been carefully chosen so that I would not have to worry about my grandmother crying or putting out my parents' divorce.

From waking up in the morning to going to bed at night, I would constantly research, comparing my life with that of others.

I had fallen into the trap of comparison. Like a flaming moth, I was hopeless and afraid of the lives of other people.

Why am I not as happy as that person?

It is a terrible thought that you can repeat in your mind. Believing that your life is lacking because your life is different from someone else's is a bad way of life.

Struggling to See Good

The hard part about negative thinking is that sometimes you don't feel you deserve your victory.

This year I graduated from college, but I didn't go to my travel party because I didn't feel proud of myself.

I don't deserve this.

Also, I started working for a law firm, which is the first step in building my career, but I never celebrated when I got the job because I didn't feel I deserved it.

I don't fit right.

Sadly, I was unable to celebrate my blessings simply because my mind was full of grief and frustration over caring for my family.

Instead, I sank into a quagmire.

I think the best way to describe this feeling is to go on a lifelong journey. Everywhere you look foggy and distorted. I could not see my victory or be thankful for my blessings because the veil of indifference was veiled in my eyes.

It wasn’t until a conversation with an old friend that the haze cleared and I saw life clearly.

Learn Helplessness

We met for lunch and he shared with me something he had learned in class.

Psychologist Carol Dweck conducted an experiment in which the fifth grade class was divided into two groups to solve a specific problem.

The downside is that one group of students is given a set of unresolved issues. No matter how hard these students tried, they could not succeed in that task.

In the next round, while being given a set of simple problems, most students took longer than average or gave up altogether.

What's going on?

The previous round with unresolved issues has caused students to rate trying and failure. Being useless became a way of learning.

I think most of the time we do this to ourselves with our thoughts.

I kept telling myself over and over again that I could not do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. And when it was my turn to strike, I would run and stop because I knew I was going to strike anyway.

I was stuck in a constant state of mind.

I convinced myself that no matter what I did, I would always be destined to fail. That my life will never be meaningful and I will never be happy.

It was not long before my concern for me turned into anger because of all the injustice.

My performance has dropped. My relationship suffered. I was lost. My emotions turned to and fro between clear indifference and anxious mania.

I needed to move from consistent thinking to mental growth — understanding that the past does not need to be repeated, and that I have a say in what happens when I choose to study and grow. But I didn't know that at the time.

This time I realized that it was time to seek treatment. This has been one of the best decisions I have made this year because it has opened the door to wonderful miracles of thought and gratitude.

Getting Thanksgiving

Who knows the smallest thing about such an expression of gratitude that can completely change my thinking?

We often allow our negative thoughts to overwhelm us and overwhelm us. And it is because we are convinced that we are our thoughts.