How I Changed my Life by Doing Nothing. . .

A year ago today I was at my worst. Physically, mentally, and socially. Today I am doing better than ever before. When reflecting on how I got here I realized I physically changed nothing. I did not start working out, I did not start a new hobby, and I did not make any new friends. The only thing I changed was my outlook on life.

I know what you are thinking, "wow I've never heard that one before (sike!)," but hear me out. We are in control of our own happiness, nobody else is. Sure, things happen that we do not like. We have bad days. Sometimes we just want to give up. However, it is how we react to those unfortunate circumstances that truly have an effect on how we feel and view the world.

Consider the fundamental attribution error. In short, this is the idea that we contribute our own shortcomings to external factors while contributing others' shortcomings to internal factors. Take, for example, getting fired from a job. If you were to get fired from your job, it's likely that you would tell people you got fired because the boss does not like you or because you are being replaced by a machine. Those are external factors- things out of your control. Now, imagine if a coworker got fired. What would you say when asked why s/he got fired? You would probably say something along the lines of being a poor worker or being late to work constantly. Those are internal factors- things that that person can control.

When we shift our mindset to ask why things happen instead of reacting to them at face value, it causes a subtle change in our mindset that has a massive impact on our lives. Consider again, your coworker who was fired for always being late. S/he was supposed to take over for you at 5:00 pm so you could go home. It is now 6:00 pm and they are just showing up. This event, when taken at face value, brings up feelings of anger and frustration, maybe to a degree large enough to ruin your evening. However, stopping to ask yourself "why?" might be enough to change your entire outlook on the situation. Maybe your coworker was struggling to find childcare, maybe they were in a car accident on their way, or maybe they just forgot to come in. Regardless of their reasoning, looking at the situation from this perspective helps lessen the negative emotions that may have been brought about by it. This approach allows you to go home, maybe still a bit angry, but in a state of understanding and empathy toward your coworker.

My point is this: there are some things in life you just cannot control. If you choose to take hold of the things you can control, and manipulate them to result in a desirable outcome, your life will change immensely.

Learning about yourself, what makes you feel angry, sad, or distressed, and why has a massive impact on your life and how you see the world. This is not a change I made overnight, it took over a year. However, once I made the choice to pay more attention to my thoughts and my emotions, I not only am happier but more motivated to do good work for myself and for the world. I now enjoy exercise and healthy eating because I do not see it as a chore, but rather a privilege. I am now more outgoing and spontaneous. Why? Because I learned to ask myself "why"?