How can i get in tune with my emotions?

Is it that I’ve encased myself for my protection or have i become selfish in my protection.

For a long time now I’ve been shunned emotionally, at least i feel i have. Other then irritation and anger that comes up way more often then any other emotion, i haven’t felt in a while. Things don’t seem much of a big deal to me. My sister has children and I’m not jumping with joy, my cousin nearly lost herself on the way to dying near Christmas and I’m not balling my eyes out. That’s just a few examples that come across my mind among many in the past decade that I’ve just not really FELT happen in my life. I have thought tat if i don’t give in fully to something or someone that i wont be completely disappointed or overly dramatic if something doesn’t go my way. My expectations wont be as demolished in the end if i fail, that person wont have a hold on me if im not all in with them right?

The same protection to keep the pain away in return gives pain. Holding your breath can keep you from drowning, you have a pocket of air to use, although that same thing looses strength and you’ll need another supply of air. The walls we can build surely will help…but what happens when it creates the reaction of pushing away a relationship. A mother, father, sibling, friends or lovers. No matter if you apologize but subconsciously still do the very same action you’ve tried to stop. So how can i or we really FEEL again?

Therapy of course is one important source but if we don’t retain and imepment the knowledge into action how can we help ourselves from a destructive tendency when it has once soothed pain and healed scars? Everyday is a fight. Forgiving the external is already hard enough but some often forget forgiveness to the internal is where it starts. No autrcity brought to your doorstep has been without residue. It is when you’ve lived with the walls for so long of this homey shell it brings comfort. As a young man i can tell you from experience I’ve unknowingly poured my thoughts into actions. I’ve hurt people when i wanted to protect myself. Not allowing myself to feel had come back against me. A lot of males grew up with the notion to just push through and swallow up that pain or that feeling that keeps you from impairing the objective. Which can result in all this untapped emotion seeping in our actions, good and bad.

Allowing yourself to feel lets others see the real purpose i you. We can”t go through life robbing the world of us and robbing ourself of seeking the unknown. Keep fighting each day, don’t be so afraid or so closed off to allow yourself to feel. We all need to forgive and feel,we have the hard conversations. That’s when we become our best selves. We unleash ourselves and become limitless. Some fine higher powers to assist them, things dont happen overnight. We all know this but there are things that can be done. It’s not impossible as some may think to change. Just know when we make a concrete decision to change, that’s when chaos starts to pop up in your life, then tat shell starts to look better and better to take refuge in again. Gain a support system to pull each other out the dark, it may be hard to trust but we can do it. The shell is a security blanket and it so hard to let go of. We know this, yet we have to face the unknown of the night to feel the warmth of the sun once more. Don’t give up.