Hold on to the Positive

The past year has been a rollercoaster of emotions, starting with helping our youngest children move out on their own this past January, amidst a housing shortage. One moved to another state in order to find an apartment they could afford, while the other has already moved multiple times over the course of 2024. In the midst of it all, I’ve been saying “hold on to the positive” a lot.

Add to the chaos and anxiety a large number of unexpected losses among both family and friends, and putting those words into action has been difficult. In some moments it has felt very close to impossible.

My dad taught me this saying when I waw very young, not long after we both lost my mother. There is another one he taught me long before that and which my mom often echoed, “nothing is impossible if you want it bad enough”. So just because the past year has felt difficult at times, doesn’t mean that finding the positive is impossible. It may be hard in the moment to see or recognize it, but if we give ourselves the time (and permission) we can look back and find it.

Our children moving out led to the decision to use the empty rooms to take in children from the local foster system. We went in with the intention of expanding the love and heart of our family, not through adoption, but through reunifying as many kids we can back to their families, embracing their families as well, or if not reunifying with family, then by helping them find their forever homes with those having the means and heart to adopt.

Our first foster children, brought to us in April, just spent their first Christmas reunified with their mom. We’ve been able to celebrate birthdays with them and recently shared Christmas gifts with them. The oldest still wears a wristband that I gave him that says, “Focus on the Positive” and he told me proudly that he’s been doing his best to ignore the people that tell him he “can’t” reach his dreams or “will never” do the things he hopes to do as an adult. The greatest gift though was to see them all together, smiling and happy and knowing that they now have resources and support to help them stay together.

Mom has promised to keep us in their lives and we’re all looking forward to being there for graduations and special future moments. I can’t wait to see them as grown men and to see all they will accomplish.

The loss of my husband’s sister early in the year brought us closer to our niece and other family whom we hadn’t seen since the pandemic had started. I lost a dear cousin the same day, the very same hour, of the very same condition, and unfortunately in the very opposite direction. While we helped our niece through planning for her mother, complete strangers came together to help both groups of family, enfolding all of us with support and assistance. Other blessings have continued over the past few months, even as other family and friends have left us, reminding us that we aren’t alone and there are good people in the world.

A car accident mid-year left me struggling with severe anxiety, post-traumatic stress, and increased my already chronic pain. One more inch to the right, and most likely I wouldn’t be here to recount the journey, which in and of itself, is a sobering thing to recognize. Continuing to work and to complete normal household routines became momentarily difficult. Holding onto the positive became a daily mantra that kept me going through it all, eventually coming out of it with a raise, my first brand-new car (thank goodness for insurance), and a doctor who can’t believe I’m able to walk, let alone thrive. I laugh and remind at each visit that this has been a group effort. It took power of positivity, determination that I will continue to do the things I love, and a great team of professionals, family, and friends to get me through and in far better health than I was before the accident.

The children that moved out, who initially struggled with housing and stable jobs? Who felt alone, homesick, and at times lost and frightened that they would never reach their dreams?

Both have found good places to live and good friends to share the financial responsibility with. They have good jobs that have provided them with health benefits, and they have each been promoted already. They have found stability, safety, and comfort in their ability to succeed and build their homes. Now, just a few days before Christmas, they will start their journey towards growing our family even more as both have announced their engagements to their wonderful partners.

As for me, we have our next pair of foster children and while helping them, these young ones who have been through so much trauma in their small number of years, is very difficult. The negativity and distrust of the world is severe, but not altogether surprising. The road to reunification will be a much longer one that our first pair and the path to healing will be a struggle, with many obstacles before us. Yet, I cling to the belief that it will not be impossible to teach them to find and hold tight to the positive, to heal from the past, to find the confidence that nothing will be impossible for them, and to build new memories of hope and joy.

Watching their excitement build as we gather our children and grandchildren together to celebrate Christmas and the ending of another year, is already a magical gift. I know I will look back on this year for many more to come and I will hold on to the positive, hoping with all my heart that these young ladies will hold on to these positive memories we’re building. One day they will share these precious moments with their children and grandchildren many years from now and hopefully some of our family’s traditions will live on with them. Most of all, I hope they will teach those future generations to…

Hold on to the Positive and Brave the Impossible.