Growing Me

Life is tough. It is full of ups and downs, the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

I am 35 years old. I feel like the last two years have had the biggest impact on my life. I have spent this period in my life really trying to find myself, my true self. With that said, I am a people pleaser to a fault, always putting other's feelings and needs above my own because I thought I was doing what made me happy. I began realizing that I was trapped in this person that I no longer wanted to be. People began to take advantage of me and I was letting them because I thought I was making them happy, when in reality, they had no appreciation of my catering to their every need.

I got married at a young age of 18 to my childhood sweetheart. We were raised in the church and it was the norm to get married and start having babies to fill the church. I was 18! I had never dated anyone else, I had not even had a chance to live a life and find my place in the world. I didn't know who I was or even what I wanted out of life. I was unaware of the opportunities the world had to offer because I had been sheltered all of my life. When I was 19, I left the church realizing that I had only been attending services because I was afraid of what people would think or what they would say behind my back if I didn't go to church. I knew I was going for the wrong reasons and decided that was not who I wanted to be.

I won't discuss my entire life, it really hasn't been full of experiences as I am just now beginning to live for myself. My point is when you start searching your heart you will find your true self. It's okay to be unhappy with where you are in life, but it is not okay to think that things will change on their own. If you are unhappy, address it. If you feel empty inside, get to the bottom of it. Think on things that fill your heart and mind with peace, joy and love. Find good friends. Good friends that appreciate you as much as you appreciate them. Don't give too much of yourself. When you keep giving, people will keep taking. Learn to say no. It is one of the hardest things I have had to learn, and I am still learning one day at a time. Be true to yourself, live to experience things. Talk to people. Listen to their stories. The experiences of others can often help us to gain a new perspective and allow us to be more open minded.

Growth is hard. Change is difficult. It's only when you change things inside of you that things around you will begin to change. You will be stretched and stretched. Your strength will be tested. Just don't give up. If you are not happy with who you are, choices that you have made, and the life that you are living, hear me when I say tomorrow is a new day. You have the power to be the person that you want to be, to have the things you want to have, and to love the way you want to love and to receive that same kind of love in return.

You are never too old to start over. I am still growing me!