From the Dark comes Light

Life has always been somewhat turbulent for me. Although the last year has really shown me how conviction and investing in oneself can positively affect your life. At times I’ve struggled with consistency and patience. So focusing on myself instead of the many people around me has genuinely made each day I wake up, to so much brighter. Instead of waking up and checking my phone, I drink some water and meditate. Then I do some breathing exercises and begin my day by making breakfast. For a while I’ve felt almost addicted to technology. Time would simply pass by without me noticing. I suppose that's the reality of social media, at times you get stuck in the endless scroll. My resolution is to distance myself from social media and to focus on being present with the real people around me. It's odd to hangout with someone in silence, both of you trapped into a small screen for hours give or take. Looking back at all the times I’ve been with friends or family, only half paying attention to what they were saying, makes me a bit melancholy. There are some people you only see a few times a year, and even then I prioritized a funny picture or adorable animal over a personal interaction. Knowing this about myself has made me rethink how I delegate my time day-to-day. With the new year, I am working on becoming more aware and present. My goal is to stay enrolled in my nursing classes and to obtain my RNA license within a few years. I know my goals are going to be challenging, but that's what makes it worth fighting for. I am working towards my goals by spending time studying for classes, making music, and painting. This is how I manifest happiness for myself while also being productive.

Over the years I’ve noticed that when my mental health declines, so do my eating habits. Currently my biggest challenge is eating regularly as well as eating healthy foods such as broccoli or watermelon. Instead I find myself craving chocolate ice cream and Lays potato chips. So for my news year's resolution my goal is to focus on a healthy diet as well as regular exercise habits. I can work on myself every waking moment. Actually I’ve begun journaling and keeping a planner by my side so I can focus on what needs to be done. This has helped immensely with my habits of procrastination and phone usage. I’m grateful to be alive, to be able to see the turbulent world around me, and to actually participate in such a world. To be alive, is to open your eyes, to inhale a breath of crisp air, to touch blades of grass as you roll down a hill, it's the catch and release. Forever, I will recall the days of being a child, sneaking cookies out of the cookie jar, taking the training wheels off of my bike, and taking flight. All of these moments helped shape the person I am today. Growing up is about recognizing that the world is in constant motion. As an adult it's your choice to jump into the mix, or to stay in your bubble and watch as time passes by. I lived in that bubble for a long time, and I can compare it to watching the paint dry. I was itching for something different. By taking risks, you suddenly have the possibility of rewards. Once I got that through my dense skull, I found myself popping my bubble more and more frequently. As days turned to nights, I found myself smiling, no need for another person or animal. No need for a phone. I’m finally happy by myself, for myself, and for the people in my life.