From Rejection to Renewal: Finding Strength in Trail Running

In 2012, my dream of representing my athletics club in the indoor 5000m event unfortunately didn’t come true.

Despite meeting the pre-qualifying time, my coach said that my muscle mass and overall physical condition were insufficiently athletic to compete with other student elites. This crushed my self-confidence, leading me to quit my athletics club and instantly leave the world of running. “Maybe I’m simply not talented enough.” I thought to myself at the time.

At 18, being rejected from what I loved was one of the most devastating experiences of my life. I felt utterly heartbroken and decided to disconnect from the world of running. In a desperate attempt to move on, I sold all of my running gear and bought hiking equipment instead. I just needed to be alone and maybe just try finding something new, to escape from the pain and disappointment.

The First Encounter with The Fast Guy

In late November 2012, I embarked on my first two solo hikes, Bukit Geulis and Mount Manglayang. It was a challenging and transformative experience that helped me to rediscover my strength and resilience. In the solitude of the mountains, I found peace and healing. I began to realize that there was more to life than running and that I was capable of achieving anything I set my mind to.

As I was descending the mountain, a man’s voice called out from behind me. “Punten teh, di belakang.” (Excuse me, miss. Behind you), he said. I turned around and saw a young man sprinting down the mountain trail. He was moving at an incredible pace, and I was surprised to see that he was carrying nothing but a small-sized running vest.

“Since when did he ascend and how is he in front of me now?” Could he be running? It’s crazy because I remember exactly every post I passed and every climber I met! I had never seen this man before.

The man ran past me without even breaking stride. I watched him go, and I wondered who he was and where he was going. He was clearly in a hurry, but I couldn’t imagine why he was running in the mountains. It was a hot and humid day, and the trail was steep and extremely challenging.

I started to speed up my steps so I could reach the Batukuda base camp and hopefully meet him afterward. I wanted to know who he was and why he was running in the mountains. However, when I arrived at the Batukuda base camp, the fast man was gone.

Registering for My First Trail Race

When the pandemic hit, I felt like my world was falling apart. I felt lost, unmotivated, and clueless about my future. I didn’t know what to do with my life. It was in September 2021 when I saw an ad for a trail running competition on Mount Manglayang, Jatinangor.

I wouldn’t lie but this place always had a special meaning for me because it was the place where I used to go to escape from the stresses of college and to find peace and solitude. I certainly had no idea what trail running was, but the mountain’s calling, and I knew I needed to go back to Manglayang.

Unintentionally Got My First Podium

I registered for the competition without any preparation. I just wanted to feel the energy and excitement of being back in Manglayang.

On race day, I was nervous and unsure if I could finish the race. However, as I started running, I felt something amazing. I felt a surge of strength and determination coursing through my legs. I felt the excitement of being alive again. I finished the race with a sense of pride and accomplishment. I had found myself again in Manglayang. I finished in third place in the 25 km category with a total elevation gain of 1,300 m. My mind shouted, “This can’t be real!”

Right after I finished, the official directed me to the podium area. There, I was surprised when I saw someone I met a few years ago. The fast man was there! “Why is he here?”, I thought. The official told me that he was the ambassador of the competition and he is the best national mountain runner. He is one of the record holders for the fastest downhill in the UTMB for male Asian athletes. He has set dozens of national and Southeast Asian records for mountain running competitions. Arief Wismoyono, the mountain man.

Despite still catching my breath and recovering from the pain I decided to approach him. He was already a well-known athlete at the time, but he was still very humble and approachable. I told him that he passed me on this mountain a few years ago. “The snail and the cheetah”, I said. We laughed together. We talked for a while about the ups and downs of his experiences in running. He told me that he started running as a way to escape the stress. He found that running in nature helped him to relax and clear his mind.

I was inspired by his story.

Before I left the race area, he gave me a touching closing message:

“Mungkin teteh bakatnya di lari trel. Trel mah surganya buat pelari penyendiri. Cobain, teh.” (Maybe your talent is in this sport. Trail running is truly heaven for introvert runners. Please give yourself a try.)

I pondered this sentence even after I returned to Jakarta, and for some reason, since then I feel like I have been born again.

I decided to give trail running a try. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I loved the challenge of running on uneven terrain as well as the feeling of being surrounded by nature. Since then, my self-confidence has returned to life.

My Second Podium, Mandalika Ultra Trail

In December of the same year, I flew to Mandalika, Lombok to participate in another trail running competition. I was still relatively new to the sport, but I was determined to do well. I had been training hard for months, and I was confident that I could finish in the top ten.

The race was incredibly challenging. The course was long and hilly, and the weather was extremely hot and humid. I pushed myself harder than I ever had before, and I was surprised at how strong I was. I finished in second place, and I was thrilled with my performance.

My Third and Recent Podium, Coast to Coast Ultra

Coast to Coast (CTC) 2023 was my third trail running competition. I didn’t have proper training before, yet I was still excited to see how I would do. The race was incredibly challenging, with steep climbs, technical terrain, and hot weather. I pushed myself harder than I ever had before, and I was surprised at how strong I was.

CTC is one of the most memorable races I have ever participated in. I was in second and third place with Edel, a runner from Singapore, when we were neck and neck for most of the race.

Long story short, I forgot to bring my trekking poles to this race. A nightmare for a trail runner. The real torture started when I ran uphill, I needed to use more energy to finish the climb. Edel knew that I was starting to run out of energy. She stopped and lent me one of her trekking poles and even filled my empty water bottle with the remaining water she had.

“There are still three climbs left and there is no more water station after this. There is only the finish line.”, she reminded.

I stopped and sat down weakly. She took my hand and lifted me. “Finish this race”, she said. “There’s no point being in a podium place if I see someone faint in front of me and I do nothing.”

I shook. I stood up and we finished the remaining kilometers together. In the last 100 meters, I slowed down. I pushed Edel slowly and said “Go. You deserve it more.” She hugged me and said, “We’ll meet again at the finish line.”

Edel kept her promise and she greeted me at the finish line. There was no podium euphoria for both of us. We just hugged and smiled. It’s not about the glitz and gold anymore. Since then and until now, we have become good friends.

My experience of running with Edel has taught me a lot about friendship and humanity. She showed me the beauty of sportsmanship, about supporting each other, even when you are competing against each other. She showed me that there is always hope, even when things are tough.

Trail running has changed my life. It has made me stronger and helped build my mental capacity. It has also helped me to appreciate the beauty of nature. I am grateful for the opportunity to have met the great Arief Wismoyono and Edel, and to have learned from them.

I am also grateful for experiencing the rejection. It’s a part of life. We all face it at some point. It’s not a reflection of your worth, but a stepping stone to something better. Rejection makes me rediscover my inner potential by opening another door. It has also taught me that I am capable of more than I ever thought possible.

Thank you for reading.