For Introverts: How to Stand Out by Embracing Your Quiet Strength

The stories of personal achievement gracing my timeline since March are nothing short of inspiring

A documented fat loss journey from someone who struggled with their weight since childhood.

A longtime connection on Twitter finally taking the leap and publishing their first e-book — then being awarded for it.

The unknown artist who quit their job at a big four tech company to release a soundtrack on Spotify.

People have been accomplishing lifelong goals, investing more time into hobbies and creative endeavors with the absence of a social life.

What have I done?

Well, I started talking less and listening more. I realized I don’t like being around random 20-somethings like I did in college. I prefer to have my hands full with a cold brew, journal, and The War of Art over a few beers and my phone.

I’m 25, and the past couple of months are the first time I’ve sat with my thoughts and actually analyzed them. It’s been a weird phase — one that doesn’t produce visible results.

But quarantine has been the quiet journey of self-discovery that I desperately needed.

In the beginning, I copped like everyone else. I put off the fear and frustration of quarantine, focusing on the “what if.” I got really into running and biking for a few months. Then I hunkered down and pounded out articles. There was a two week period where I watched most of Schitt’s Creek with my girlfriend. After that, I bought a bunch of books on finance and started seriously investing.

As much as I tried to remain motivated and focused on something new, my mind became cloudy. Time blurred together. Work fused with writing which trickled into exercise — then the day repeated again.

At 1:30 AM on a Wednesday, everything changed.

I am a late-night word junky, cursed to hit creative peaks when everyone else is in bed. Sitting there, driven on by exhaustion and a sprinkle of delusion, a thought drifted into my mind — what is my personality type?

I think most of us believe we know ourselves really well — at that moment, I wanted to know if perception matched reality.

This quiz came up first on Google. After several minutes of multiple-choice, I was stumped by the end result:

Your personality type is:

Mediator

INFP-T

Over 50% introverted along with an intuitive, feeling, prospecting, and turbulent personality.

I’d never considered introversion as a part of who I am; I look forward to working around people and noise. I always made friends in unfamiliar situations and could talk pretty comfortably in front of a group.

However, as I read through the strengths and weaknesses of a mediator, it actually made a lot of sense:

“With their ability to make surprising and unexpected connections, it’s no wonder that many Mediators are drawn to creative pursuits and the arts.”

Check.

“Mediators can expect so much from themselves that they inevitably fall short. When this happens, they may accuse themselves of being selfish or woefully inadequate.”

Check..

“When something captures Mediators’ imagination, they can become so consumed by it that they neglect practical matters. Some people with this personality type even neglect eating or sleeping as they pursue their passion.”

Check…

The results would have looked much different in 2019. I’m sure many months of self-reflection forced by isolation have eroded a wall of insecurity.

I hadn’t made a conscious decision to lean into my introverted qualities. Quarantine simply provided an opportunity to unlock them by exploring something I never had before — my own mind.

Now, this newfound self-acceptance has allowed my creativity to flourish. I’m learning more about myself in several weeks than I had in the last decade. Best of all, I’ve never felt more human — in tune with what I really think and feel, not what I want others to think about me.

I honestly believe deep down, everyone can have this experience if they learn how to embrace their quiet strength.

So, if you want to live a more balanced, fulfilled life through self-awareness, here are a few things to think about.

Be Open-Minded to the Inner Mind

For years I suffered from a terrible addiction.

Not hard drugs or alcohol. My poison of choice was noise.

Music, podcasts, vlogs — I needed to listen to something 24/7.

Working out without headphones was a nightmare. Reading in pure silence was painful.

It’s hard to be curious about yourself when you’re constantly distracted.

"The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled."

― Plutarch

The absence of commuting has meant fewer morning and evening podcasts. With gyms closed, I couldn’t weightlift and no longer crave music for motivation. Slowly but surely, silence is becoming more prevalent throughout the day — and I’m all here for it.

Just like a good scientist is observant about the world and finds pleasure in theorizing, I am digging deep into my own mind and discovering clarity.

I journal less about tasks and objectives and focus more on how my mind is reacting to certain things. For example, why am I self-critical about minor mistakes? How can I learn from these mistakes while accepting that errors are part of the human experience?

Breaking into these questions can be uncomfortable. Yet, the answers are a revelation — only discovered when sitting alone with my thoughts, free of noise.

There is power in silence. And silence is golden.

Display Emotions Beyond Happiness

I remember watching a series of Youtube videos from an “influencer” in early March, stunned at how comically fake they were. Every person is crazy positive all the time. Like nothing else matters in the world besides the appearance of happiness.

I’ll admit, there was a forgettable period when I contemplated being a YouTuber. Somewhere deep in my Google Drive is a series of cringe-worthy clips that I just can’t bring myself to delete.

Want to know why I didn’t follow through with them? I couldn’t maintain the “fake happy” vibe.”

Unfortunately, happiness has become an emotion with monetary value. We produce it through social media and reward people who are experts at being upbeat.

“The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some it’s a Broadway spotlight, for others, a lamplit desk.” — Susan Cain

Quarantine has forced me to grapple with other emotions that I used to suppress and repackage as extroversion. If I was frustrated at work, I could go out on a Friday night, be loud, get attention, and forget about it by Monday.

Those behaviors aren’t natural.

Rather than glorifying happiness, I want to normalize everything else. To recognize how emotions are manifesting themselves and why.

I realized I don’t need to go to ridiculous lengths to appear happy. Instead, I am giving myself permission to be human.

Listen First, With Patience

There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak.

Listeners are observant. They look you in the eyes, ask sincere questions, and think about what you are saying before responding.

People who wait to speak are consumed with themselves. They need to leave an impact on every conversation.

Unfortunately, I used to fall into the latter. As an anxious speaker, I have boundless thoughts intersecting in my mind at once. Sometimes I carry notecards around the apartment just to hold my thoughts together.

In conversations, I would say a lot of things at once because I needed to be a part of what was going on. I wanted to be humorous and intelligent. Or caring and relatable. As if every word was a make or break impression. This resulted in cutting people off and probably appeared rude to those who didn’t know me.

Ultimately, this habit meant I wasn’t paying attention.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

― Stephen R. Covey

After eight months of confinement to an apartment, I have been alone with my thoughts a lot. The world moves slower and feels less urgent. Because interpersonal communication occurs through a screen, I value conversation as a tool of connection, not a way to leave a specific impression.

When talking with someone, rather than anticipating their comments to reply quickly, I let it flow organically. I take long pauses to really think — something I used to perceive as awkwardness.

Listen first, patiently, and respond when you have a thoughtful comment. I’ve realized most people just want to feel heard anyway.

Final Thoughts

Quarantine pushed pause on many aspects of life. I am far less engaged with friends, miss the buzz of an office, and rarely go out in public with someone besides my girlfriend.

Yet, somewhere in the confusion and cloud of anxiety that comes with everything happening, I uncovered something beautiful. With a little push, I learned how to listen to others and myself. I am more in tune with my emotions. I look forward to excursions of the mind.

I’ve also come to realize that there are many misconceptions about introverts and quiet people in general; mainly they’re antisocial, unfriendly, shy, or lonely.

We live in a society where knowing what you want is power. Being decisive and assertive is masculine. The ego-centric rule the egoless.

In my experience, accessing your introverted side is a significant upgrade. I’ve embraced these new traits as part of my personality and will continue nurturing them to become a more self-aware, accepting, and open-minded person.

Change is part of being human. I hope you can find comfort in that as I have.