Finding Katie 3

Hello to all the vocal peeps out there. I am writing my finding Katie blog 3… I know I know, it’s a little late but I am writing it so there is that. I think what I am going to do is write 1 finding Katie a month and one Finding Katie’s story a month every two weeks. Two stories a month (along with whatever else I may be writing) is probably enough.

That being said, I need to actual write them, talking about it only goes so far. Here we are again with the lack of follow-through. The toxic brain dance is in full swing, and I am fumbling about like usual. Yet, I feel more accountable because of this very story that I am writing. I am forcing myself to sit down and do what I said I would. I need someone or something to light a fire under my ass.

Let’s do a progress report… Not so good I am afraid. I have been keeping up with writing here and there, not consistent but more than I had been. Oh, and good news I totally got an honorable mention bag on one of my stories!!! That is the universe’s way of letting me know I am heading in the write direction. Even if the path I am taking has a lot of dead ends and random side quests. That’s my first badge, you always remember your first. If you are interested in reading that one, (I would love you to read it and like it!) here it is:

That’s the good news on the progress front. The rest is normal lollygagging. I haven’t really been studying even though I have the study.com app and I have not set up a date for the test. The time to request the days off has come and gone and here I am with a thumb up my butt. I am throwing ideas at the wall for my novel, but I haven’t really started the writing part, which is the important bit, still ideas are good. All and all my progress on finding Katie is slow at best.

Let’s go back to the rules of the energy bus:

10 RULES FOR THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE

1. You’re the Driver of the Bus.

2. Desire, Vision and Focus move your bus in the right direction.

3. Fuel your Ride with Positive Energy.

4. Invite People on Your Bus and Share your Vision for the Road Ahead.

5. Don’t Waste Your Energy on those who don’t get on your Bus.

6. Post a Sign that says “No Energy Vampires Allowed” on your Bus.

7. Enthusiasm attracts more Passengers and Energizes them during the Ride.

8. Love your Passengers.

9. Drive with Purpose.

10. Have Fun and Enjoy the Ride.

Let’s talk about Rule 9. I think rule 9 is my kryptonite. Purpose is what I lack. Maybe that is why it’s hard to motivate myself, although that is no excuse. I am trying to force purpose and the results are mixed. A little bit of success, though, is better than nothing. I am still here (a little late yes, but here) and I am still writing. I also got that badge and that’s something. Something cool. Something good, someone saw my story and thought hey that was rather good. Thank you, random readers, for that needed positive reinforcement. Sometimes you need the universe to remind you that you’re on the right track.

Drive your bus with purpose- What is my purpose truly? I’d like to get my shit together. Not be a loser that lives with her mom. I want my own place. I want my own life. Where do I start? This story is the beginning.

I wrote this whole thing, and then my self-doubt kicked in and my self-loathing and I just let myself become encapsulated in ice. Like one of those cool ice swans except not so cool.

I need purpose. There are obstacles, that’s life, isn’t it? Still, I should be able to accomplish these goals. I am not asking for millions of dollars and a mansion here. Just a normal life with some purpose, a little bit more prosperity and some self-love.

I’ve been thinking about this, I mean really having some self-reflection and I realized something important. The obstacles are me. All of it. I mean, I realize that’s what I am working on right now with this blog… but I have never really said it out loud. I am the obstacle, but that also makes me the key.

I am the key, the driver of my bus and I am gong to keep driving on.