Fighting the Bully Within

We hear about bullies in school taking advantage of kids who are smaller than them. I have come to believe that we have our own bullies in our minds. The bully that tells us we are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, that we are losers. The bully that pushes you around and does not allow for you to become the best you. We constantly give into this direction because is the easy way out. But what we really need to do is fight the bully. We have to fight against these demons and know that we are smart and capable of anything we put our minds to.

Without even noticing, the negative voice of the bully begins to work in our psyche. It will entice us to be lazy and not get up to seize the day. It will convince you that you've had a hard, stressful day and you need that pick me up drink or junk food. This just sounds so normal to any of us, but it's really not. In order for us to live a fulfilling life, we need to constantly think for ourselves and stop this auto-machine from spitting out negativity.

This is easier said than done, I know. To purposefully think through a lot of what you do daily is a task in itself. A lot of us just go through the motions of the day, and we go through the e-motions of the day as well. We do what we feel - if we feel tired, we do not go to the gym. If we feel hungry, we eat. If we feel like being anti-social, we stay to ourselves. If we feel like we've had a crazy day full of stress, we want something to make us feel better.

While we do need food for sustenance, we do not need it to our detriment. Eating out of emotion is never a good idea. Eating out of boredom same thing. Planning out our meals takes the stress out of what to eat. You put together a healthy menu and ensure you get to the grocery store to buy all the ingredients. When you are bored at work or stuck with a meaningless task, you won't be tempted to grab whatever is in the kitchen or vending machine.

You will have healthy snacks, or a drink such as green tea, coffee, sparkling water. Trust me, I know what having a boring office job feels like. You are by no means entertained or doing something that feels great. I know this is why the little voice comes back on to say: hey, we need to spice up this day - lets go grab some chocolate! Not everything we do is fun - the gym is no fun, especially the training I do at 5am when I have to gather energy to pull through 40 minutes of cardio and sweating. Followed by weight training. All my voice says is stay in bed woman! I have to turn it off and replace it by - get up and go!

This might sound like a lot of hardcore discipline to you. It is. There is no easy way to go around any of this at all. This is a daily constant training of your mind. To turn off the bully and the negativity takes work. You have to know yourself and know how to beat it at its own game.

This is the same bully that comes at you when you are thinking of learning a new skill so that you can accomplish a task. In your mind you hear “what are you doing, you can’t do this, this will take effort and work. You do not have the ability to lead, this is too much for you right now.”

We give into these thoughts thinking they are perfectly normal and agreeing with them that we have no business with trying something new. Our lives are too complicated as it is. This is what I mean about giving purpose to your train of thought. You have to catch it and re-purpose it, replace it with – shut the hell up, I am in charge now and I got this!! I WILL succeed. Don’t just write it down on your mirror or journal, think of it in your mind, in your heart, and believe it, wholeheartedly.

I know so many people who have missed opportunities just because they allowed their bully to talk them out of it. My ex-husband was befriended by a neighbor who owned a gym. He not only brought him in to train free of charge, he scored a contract with an elite college lacrosse team to do the physical training for the entire team. He told my ex that he could come along and help him. These lacrosse players loved him and looked up to him, a man in his 40’s and still in good shape. I watched that man interacting with these college kids as if they were his own and enjoying their victory in every game. That year, they won the championship, and the brotherhood was priceless.

The following year, our neighbor moved to Florida. The lacrosse coach offered my ex to stay and train the team. Instead, he just took the free tickets to any game he wanted. The chance of a lifetime to do something he loved and enjoyed and he blew it off. This could have started as a part time thing and who knows, it could have been a full-time job by the time he gained experience. But something in him said, nah, it’s too much work, we have to learn all about the body and training and nutrition. It’s going to be hard; we already have a full-time job that is comfortable. I can just come and enjoy the games.

I have another friend who began going to the gym and training to get in the best shape of her life. Sounds like all of us, right? She cleaned up her diet and began to focus on strength training to tone up muscle. The managers at the gym approached her to say that she should be a personal trainer and they would love to hire her. She was already fascinated by training and was learning about it. She told me about it, and I said go for it. I knew she would have to get certified and learn the ropes of training and nutrition. She was excited about the idea for about a day. Then it was gone.

As I always say, we get so many opportunities in life for success, for fulfillment. Sometimes we just attract them to us, sometimes they come as a result of us going to that source or person. We need to pay attention to what comes into our lives and the people who cross our paths. We need to hit that mind bully with a 2x4 and really ask ourselves, is this an opportunity I can be pursuing? Is this person the one destined for me? There’s only one way to find out!