Feeding The Fear

During this global pandemic I realized a few things. One of them being, how the human race handles stress under pressure and how we treat one another. One can argue that we have the power and right to act accordingly as we live in a society that is constantly telling us that they always know best.. but in the grand scheme of things...do we even know what's best for ourselves? Like many people during these times, I had the opportunity to bunker down with myself for a solid four months. What I came to understand is how I still did not know much about who I was nor was I trying. What I learned is that at a later age, I inherited most of my parents' bad habits and picked up a few along the way. I guess I was waiting for some sort of divine intervention and began praying to God for some handouts, just when I felt I was slipping into a world of chaos.

So during alone time, I muscled up the urge not to complain about the smallest obstacles in my life . What was God trying to reveal to me during this time? The most important thing I learned about change is if you are willing to point out your mistakes, you have mastered the art of change. The main question I was asking myself was why are we all so reluctant to change every bad habit we picked up along the way? If we know we are self centered, speak wrongfully about others, and are always wanting to see other people lose, why do we continue to keep up our act? After some thought and giving it every possible brain power, I realized that falling out of love with who I was could be extremely frightening and difficult to comprehend.

As a culture, we glorify the person we were raised to be. Somewhere down the line there were things people said to us that little by little, broke our spirit and surely we ended up bitter, and always cynical of this world. Like most normal human beings we like to always look at the brighter side. We expect change to be this magic power that one day it will happen, but for today iʻll just let it pass. For sometime, I came to the realization that there may be those individuals who may not want to change. Those who after years of being let down by the cynical character that they were longing to let die in their story, eventually made its way back into the picture.

Now my problem with change wasn't my approach to others. It was how I viewed myself. It was the confidence I lacked to be the center of change. Who was I? Sabotaging every opportunity because I felt I wasn't good enough for great things. I worked on my self-esteem and brought myself up. So during my alone time, I read books and focused on character building. I understood that even though I was reluctant for change, I had to hold myself accountable for a certain discipline that would place me on the right track. So what I learned from all of this was that the people around me were not changing, which didn't help my situation, nor did they feel they were the problem to their circumstances. However, in the long run,I realized that I needed to focus on myself and not let others’ failures affect who I was becoming.

I define change to be throwing a 40,000 piece puzzle to the floor and picking up the pieces to try and put it back together again. To sum up what I mean, change doesn't happen overnight and nor will it happen in a week or even a month. Just imagine someone giving you a task that had you complete an enormous puzzle in one day. Normally you'll give up at just even the thought...and that my friends is how I describe change. We are so consumed with the idea that maybe this is who i am, that the people around me have to take it or leave it right? Wrong...because who we become is far different than how we were born. Now there is a lot of psychology that goes into how a person grows into who they are when they mature but again I'm not a psychologist., I'm just simply stating the facts to what I view around me and what I have experienced. We get so accustomed to who we were labeled and we forget who we are deep down inside, creatures of kindness and admiration and most important people of love.

Now as we close out this year to be one of the worst occurrences in history I ask you to take one thing with you. Change is hard because there is the fear of rejection and failure. How do we step into the unknown? We try so hard for the perfect family, the attractive physique but yet fail to look at ourselves to be the reason for change. Everyday is a new day and your goal this year is to focus on how you want to change that. You shouldn't feed the fear this year. You should feed the change.