February, the month new year resolutions die

Yes, I’m talking about new year resolutions in February. January was just a test run, everyone knows the year starts in February.

As with last year, this year I don’t really have a setlist of new year resolutions. I tend to abandon mine by the end of February and wander through the rest of the year.

The last two years are years I would rather forget, I was depressed and on the brink of giving up, there was really no reason to be having any goals for any of the years. The only thing that mattered was surviving, however, that came about.

Looking back on years even before 2019 there are a few reasons I can pinpoint why my resolutions always failed.

Too much thinking, not enough doing.

I’m an overthinker. I think about something so much, figuring out the pros and cons, why it seems impossible to the point that I don’t do anything. I end up so much in my head I don’t actually act on what I want to achieve.

Too much of a hurry

I try to be patient but I fail at it sometimes. I’m not particularly patient when it comes to wanting to achieve goals. I hate feeling like I’m standing in one spot when there seems to be no progression.

I forget that a seed takes time to germinate and then flourish from there. I started growing a little avocado plant from a pit this year in January. My pit was cracked so it didn’t take longer than a week and a half for me to start seeing my tap root already emerging. This was way faster than what was predicted in all the articles I read up on germinating an avocado pit. I was excited af. My tap root kept growing and growing and was starting to get too long for the jar I had put it in, the first leaves were about to come through, the top of the pit had finally cracked to reveal what was to be my first shoots. One Saturday afternoon as I was changing the water and cleaning my jar, I placed my pit in another jar and one of the toothpicks broke resulting in my pit falling into the said jar. This broke a large part of my tap root, I felt like my heart broke with it. I was trying to figure out how my under-developed shoots will survive. I texted a friend who is a plant dad with my scenario and he didn’t sound too optimistic when I told him I will continue to keep it, my plant will survive. The very next day my 4-year-old cousin ripped off my developing shoots. I could have given up on it then cause wtf. I still kept it and believed it would survive. It’s mid-February now, I have two pits germinating. The first one has started to develop its root system, I have new shoots coming through. The second pit which I started germinating out of panic is slowly developing a tap root.

The lessons I’ve learnt from trying to be a plant mom can definitely be applied to my goals. Learning to be patient, accepting that curve balls happen and what matters is whether or not I decide to keep pushing on. Eventually, everything falls into place.

Not tracking my progress

I start off the year with these high and lofty goals and fall short at the end of the year. I don’t even remember half the goals I set, definitely haven’t achieved the other half I do remember. This would have simply been avoided by tracking my progress. I look back at the end of the year and try to figure out where I went wrong, and I have no track record of what I tried doing to achieve my goals. This year I’ve tried to be different. I want to be disciplined enough to track my progress. I have already done that for January regarding one of my goals and boy was that tough but it will be worth it come to the end of the year.

Not enjoying the process

The easiest I have had this journey called life was probably in primary school. High school was shit, varsity not too different. Life after school, the pits. I’m not saying the process should be all rosy and shit, I know roses have thorns. But what happens when you keep getting the thorns and never getting to enjoy the roses no matter how hard you try to ensure you are taking care of the rose bush. I feel like this has been my year in and out particularly for the last 3 years. It’s a blur, I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t have anyone to share the struggles I’ve encountered with. I know where I want to be but getting there has been nothing but thorns. I haven’t enjoyed it and that makes it harder to want to even try to achieve any goals at all.

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I’m not sure where you stand on new year resolutions but this has been my journey so far. I hope this year will be different. I hope to come back and write a completely new story with a different perspective on new year resolutions come next February.