Exhale

The world in which we all inhabit, is packed so full of impressions, fast forward mindsets, mindless scrolling, destinations to explore, goals to reach and days far too short for everything that needs to be done: thus we are robbed of our presence; our peace and our joy of existing in the journey towards the morrow; to create the memories we’ll one day look back at. I found that for me to remain sane in this world, I needed a pause button.

Through many years of riding this highway of high expectations, I forgot to pay heed to what I truly needed. Blindfolded I was led by a leash into a world that I never really took part in. A world beyond the looking glass, where everything is either glorious or crumbling apart. I needed to reclaim my spot, my presence, my value, in a world that excluded me and everyone else on this highway.

So, I stopped. I looked around at the world I had lived in, and I realized I hadn’t lived at all. I listened to my heart beat slow down and I exhaled. I found a calm place outside all these things I’d been chasing, and I felt pain. I felt exhaustion and fear. I felt like I was missing out. And as my heart rushed in panic, I exhaled again, and I felt myself. For the first time in years I felt the air in my lungs, I felt my blood rush and I saw things I had never really seen before. I saw the slow regard of silent things.

And into this world I dived! Now, I take these breaks several times a day. Just a moment to feel, anything that makes me feel alive. Focusing on the things that make me real in that very moment. And I exhale, deeply. I let gravity pull me, I feel my own weight and I surrender to it.

I found that the best way to keep this real world in my heart at all times, is to be close to nature. This closeness I find by going on hikes, by enjoying the sun, by picking flowers or decorating my home with plants. But most important I have found that to be close to nature, I have to consume nature. I have to be nature. As often as I can, I eat raw food from the earth. Fruit and vegetables, imagening I picked them myself and that the world carried these to ripeness, so that I could replenish my strength.

I know with sore certainty that I am not alone in finding myself trapped in this world, and I know how some struggle with demons in their minds when the world slows down and the quiet talks back. Which is why this pause button is meant to give a break from all these things, even the stressed out mind, full of guilt of under-achieving or lagging behind. These haunting thoughts come quick and must not be given space. This is why focusing on my physical state, my real and simple shape and presence becomes so important. Feeling alive shall take over all other senses. Breathing and focusing on ones breath is the key.

Not only did I find sanity by locating this pause button. I found the cure to an anxious soul. I found the strength to reclaim space for myself in social places amongst other people. Being an introverted and insecure person, I found a vitality and boldness in these breaks of reality. I became more real. I became a part of all things. I became more me.

Becoming more me has also taught me to own my own space, which in turn has inspired me to claim things for myself, to achieve things I didn’t think I would be able to. I found courage, and I found the guts I needed. The guts that ate the voice that said it was pointless of me to share this with you. I refuse to take all I have learnt for granted.

For no matter how fast and furious this world seems to be, I have found my pause button within me. My key to feed my soul and frame, and a pride to my own name.