Embracing the Space Between

Certainly! This is another self-reflective piece (of course) about learning to embrace being alone… and as I sat down in front of my laptop today, looking back at this brief passage that was written some days ago. Vulnerability feels like an exposed nerve, and often sharing what is going on in my head is a little bit too much of me out there.

But then, there is a voice inside me that keeps nudging at this opening. Opening up is challenging, but maybe it is just what we need to move closer towards peace of mind and each other.

In this piece, wasay saad taps into what it is like to slip through life thinking they had been placed right in the middle of an organism that thrives on relationships and social entanglements ”meaning no longer as a centric mode consciousness being” just mere fragmentation. A meditation on growth and the thrill of discovery.

Perhaps someone reading this identifies with my experience and finds comfort in knowing they are not alone. And maybe, in telling my story I will not feel so alone anymore, and others with this embattled condition can know that their stories do not fall on deaf ears.

I have spent long stretches of my life single and sometimes it feels like one in a million when everyone around me is paired off. To be honest, my most recent long-term relationship feels like a century ago. My romantic life had been rather non-existent, save for a fling that went nowhere ages ago. The concept of belonging to someone has seemed at other times so far-fetched and alien.

Now with me looking back on my life, I see that would was a choice to not try hard in relationships since then. I've never liked dating apps, blind dates or even social mixers. I mean, I am not closed to finding someone special (again), but focusing on my own journey seems like a much better place for me right now

It is not out of loneliness or frustration. Nah, it comes from a self-aware place and wanting something deeper than just the moment. I value relationships that you let unfold on their own without trying to rush anything or living by some kind of requiremnt I owe the relationship due this and im supposeed to be there otherwise what does it say about me?

This is not something I struggle with as much for being often alone in a crowd of partners just around me or even absent from my life. And I am fine with that, my solitude is not a tragedy but an opportunity to think and improve.

But even as a singleton, I have my moments of clichéd desire. That although they are few and far between, there is a very real part of me that knows what it feels like to love deeply. While I often roll my eyes at the notion of being any sorta romantic, there is a part of me that desperately wants real relationships.

There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Really just a time for self-discovery and much needed faith in me. So I try my best to let it shine outward, so that someday in the moments where nobody is looking — my inner confidence becomes a quiet guiding light for myself.

I am sitting here, alone in the night writing this down and sharing my thoughts. And embracing my aloneness as part of the journey instead of a destination prep. It is a decision that honours me at this time in my life and I feel good about it.

This in-between is where I am at right now, and for that gift of growth–of experiencing myself during these times–and all the experience it will bring to my life in time, I am eternally thankful.