Don't Stay Where You Don't Belong

The worse of part of life is to stay stuck at the place where you don't belong. What is worse than this is it took you so long to realize that you don't belong here. Then, what is next? You stay or you get out?

Let say that you stay, because you don't believe it is the truth. You find every reason to stay, to make it become the place you belong to. It is the only place you ever know. You have grown into the place. It is your comfort zone - a safe one (you think). Where else could you possibly go? What if the new place is much worse than this? Is there a choice? Is it a decision? I can tell you what you probably have already known. It is tiresome to make yourselves be something that you are not. More importantly, it never going to work. Even if you succeeded, it is going to drain every piece inside you to make it happen. Perhaps it is only for temporary fix. After all, is it really worth it to discover that you only lose who you really are?

I work in a local software company right after I graduated. There are multiple projects when I was onboard. I knew right off the bat that something is off. Soon, I learned that my so-called supervisor isn't as bright as a person that should be in that position. I try my best to learn from every source that I could lay my eyes on. I never receive any proper introduction into the job or what my job description is. As they said, it is still a new local company, not much is prepared in term of structure and paperwork. I stay and manage all the workloads by myself and know exactly that I only have myself to get it done or understand what kind of work that I am dealing with. My supervisor is just a train wreck, the know-nothing-but-act-like-she-knows-everything. I am practically a cleaner of her mess and never get acknowledge or accredit for it. The year-end is approaching, I was expecting for an evaluation from my director for the sake of self-improvement for freaking clueless job of mine. Guess what? Evaluation doesn't exist in this company. All I got is you did a good job and keep up your work. What is that supposed to mean?

Later on, everyone from the entry level to the top management aware of my supervisor's scam and fake work ethics. My boss secretly hand down all of her works to me. Basically, I clean up her mess and organize it into something that can be shared to the team. I have extra work than people who are in the same position. I manage tasks between projects, keep tacking of the progress, arrange meetings where I see fit, allocate resources to each project, boost team's spirit and motivation, keep every parties stick to the timeline and due date, etc. You get the point.

All I am saying is this is my first job after I finished my Bachelor Degree. Within 8 months, I am able to handle with a clear understanding of technical project, which is differ from my major. It should be an achievement. Nevertheless, I feel like it is the slowest progress I could have grown in this time frame. In short, I am dissatisfied.

As of writing this article, I am still working in the place. Readers, you probably be wondering why I still stay, knowing that this is not the place where I belong. My answer is I don't have a good reason right now. I have all the reasons and answers to tell how suck this place is, but those reasons are not enough to make me feel adequate to look back at this place later and not regret with a thousands 'what-ifs'. I hope the readers out there, who can relate or understand this experience well, can better that I and other people out there are experiencing the same thing.

Don't be Discouraged, Find your Path, and Move Forward.

Saying this just sound like I am trapped in the imaginary comfort zone. Well, it is partially true. However, more important thing is my next plan is unclear. Given the time of the years-lasting pandemic, I don't seem to present with much choice of work or the liberty of travelling. I'm stuck. One thing I did is the set plan that I am going to stay in the company. So, finger crossed. Hope that something will come up.