Do you think you have feelings for someone: there may be some things you missed!

“I don’t know why I do all that, I feel so stupid, it is all such a waste”, are words that we’ve all either heard from someone else or ourselves when diagnosed with feelings and love.

Every time you put on a new shirt, you fix your hair or beard, you change your outfit, wear extra makeup, find great shoes, work on your body, practice lines to say, rehearse jokes, research information and apply it in person, it is all effort. One of my friends told me about a time when they spent a solid 5 hours of their day researching information on a topic for the person they had feelings for when they had a deadline approaching their task, that is some seriously admirable dedication and effort. Mate, imagine the butterflies you’d get from making a presentation in front of 500 people, which is daunting for most of us, that is exactly the amount of nerves we overcome every single time we are in the presence of the person we have feelings for, and we all know how hard that can be, but we still do it. I am not even talking about teenagers or first-timers, everybody feels this way. There is no discrimination in the concept of love. So, if it’s such a giving experience then why do we feel let down at times?

We spoke so far only about the physical and external efforts that people put in for the person they have feelings for. However, when we realise that we may have feelings for someone, it is commonplace to want to first analyse the validity of our feelings. Most of us tend to take time to ourselves to verify whether we have feelings for that person or we talk it out to friends who know us most and have a third-party perspective to confirm for us. For this we may use a ‘time log’ method, where you rethink every time, you interacted with the person and the way they made you feel to identify if you have feelings for them. Or you may use the ‘pros and cons list’ method, this one is popular, where you write down the good and bad of the person and work out whether you have feelings, and whether it is the right thing. Or you may use the ‘standing in the other party’s shoes’ method, where you simply analyse everything, the other person has done and evaluate whether they have feelings for you and choose to go from there. Or all of the above! Either way, it is a thoughtful, analytical, and systematic process. Most of us choose to opt for these methods before admitting to our feelings and proceeding with them in any manner, but why do we do this?

Think of love and feelings this way, we all have an account for the investments we have made in life. The most generally noted forms of investments include time, money, energy, stocks, and bitcoin. We make these types of investments for our education, career, business, luxurious lifestyle, and hobbies, and we always expect something in return from it and we do get it. As humans, we all want to excel in the art of investment and make the most out of our life on Earth. Similarly, love and feelings are one of our most valuable assets which takes a lot of effort to produce, and we invest so much of it, all through our life. When we put in effort physically, and even when we are analysing our feelings. We may not see it, but we have already engaged in the investment process mentally.

Although it is popularly believed that you are not supposed to seek value in such an emotional concept as love and you need to be selfless — you sound adorable, but you know you’re faking it! You need to understand your efforts and not devalue or minimize their lasting impact on your life. We make efforts but don’t see it through to the end sometimes, we give up, or at other times we don’t even realise we have invested, and only sometimes do we ever actually notice the returns in this particular investment. However, efforts made without any returns will start getting frustrating because humans ultimately want results. You will try to forcefully withdraw yourself from the situation and that can be painful and maybe even socially awkward to go through, but the truth is, it is no one’s fault. You are just acting based on your feelings and chances are the other person doesn’t even realise the definition of your actions.

I think love and feelings are most fundamental in our life. Ultimately when you have feelings for another person, you are going to invest a lot of your love, energy, time, and other resources into it, consciously or unconsciously, so, might as well be smart about it because one day you are going to notice a pattern. You might be asking me; how can one be prudent about such a spontaneous feeling as love?

The best way to ensure that you do get value for your investment is to try and do things that you enjoy too, as opposed to purely doing things for the other person, in hopes that it would have them love you. I mean make a friend out of the person you are interested in first, show them your real palette, and understand the value they bring to your life and your personality. Make a smarter investment. This way, you will be more mindful of your actions and even if it is unconscious, you would enjoy the process and feel the pay-off even if it didn't meet your ultimate goal.

So, this is all about playing smart with the love you are investing in a particular person. What if you have already invested in a person, consciously or unconsciously, and did not or do not realise any value or feel exhausted - we will explore the other sides of this concept in our next blog in the Love Basics series!

Love, Teatimereads