Do as Caterpillars Do: Go to Goo

Ah, January. Time for New Year's Resolutions. Time for a fresh start. But what does it mean to truly have a fresh start?

As I am sure you know, Reader, the annual cultural phenomenon of making Resolutions unites the self-improvement minded in a rite of passage from one year to the next. It's both a personal and communal process of resolving to "do better." I am among those who make the yearly trek of a self-inventory check, asking: "How could I have made this past year better? How can I make this coming year better?"

Though there is nothing wrong with reflecting on where we've been and reaching for the next level in our lives, there's just one little problem with the questions above: the word "better" itself. Resolving to be and do "better" invokes immediate, harmful comparison and the idea that there is something inherently missing in our lives. It programs us to feel there is something to be found, attained, gained, solved...or re-solved. If we we resolve to "get healthier," to "be more outgoing," or to "get better at __(something we don't feel good at)__," we are coming from a place lack, a place of "Something is wrong with me/life and I need to fix it."

In this way, resolutions frequently become a catch-all junk drawer for what's not working in our lives. And who likes to really sort out their messy junk drawer*? *Answer: No one (unless you're the exceptional and lovely Marie Kondo--but then, that's the subject for another time). Then when we fail to follow through on our New Years Resolutions, we pile more emotional baggage onto the pattern of "I'm not (good) enough" and "nothing ever gets better." And that's a discouraging place to wind up at the end of January while still very much at the beginning of the year.

So, this year I'm asking myself new (I won't say "better"!) questions. Rather than "resolving" anything, I'm focusing on "dissolving" my resistence to the abundance of wellbeing (physical, emotional, financial/material, spiritual) that already exists. Go with me on this for a moment longer...

In order to transform and make a completely fresh start as a butterfly, caterpillars must ensconse themselves in a chrysalis and then completely dissolve into a gooey liquid before they can reassemble into a butterfly. Can you imagine? Dissolving right down to a primordial soup of your DNA and reassembling as a new being? Now THAT would be a "fresh start."

To that end, I am committing to in my ongoing personal metamophosis. I'll be asking myself the following questions throughout the year -- and you are welcome to join me:

1) "How can I Create a Chrysalis (or, Cocoon) for my safety and wellbeing during my process of ongoing growth and transformation?" First, we might need to ask: What is a chrysalis? A chrysalis is the hard shelled pupa of a butterfly (or a cocoon in the case of a moth). In other words, it's a protective covering that allows for the delicate inner work of transformation. Usually, a caterpillar will pupate in a dark, covered area of vegetation. In order to safely pass through metamorphosis, selecting a sheltered site and creating a protective "covering" is essential. I define this both literally and figuratively: I am committed to creating a physically and emotionally sheltered space that regularly allows me to feel safe. Then, there's the ingredient of time spent within the chrysalis. The butterly spends a matter of matter of days dissolving inside, and depending on the species, goes on to live a few weeks as a butterfly. We humans live life on an extended time scale, so regularly returning to the chrysalis is essential. For me, this commitment in action looks like an awareness of the sacred daily chrysalis of sleep, the choice to rest constructively and consistently, a peaceful home, and access to a green space. For others, this may look like regularly attending a place of worship. Yearly trekking in the mountains. A nourishing practice such as daily journaling. How will YOU spin your chrysalis?

2) "What fuel can I gather to support my body, mind and spirit's process of transformation?" Remember, before it became a butterly, that caterpillar was voraciously hungry. It basically was one long tube of stomach, inhaling vegetation with a multitude of micronutrients to support its upcoming transformation. So, I ask myself: What am I fueling myself with? What movies, books, TV shows, news, music, and ideas am I consuming? What foods am I eating? Am I hydrating? None of these are meant to be judgmental questions, but all are meant to get me thinking: If what goes in determines the kind of butterfly I turn out to be, what ingredients am I adding to the metamophosis recipe? I am committed to fueling myself with as many anti-inflammatory, supportive whole foods (unprocessed) as possible, including organic produce when I can. I am committed to hydrating regularly (with water, filtered if necessary/possible). This means that instead of spending my resources on other consumer items, I prioritize what I'm eating: in other words, I skip the drinks at the bar in order to afford mostly organic produce. I am also committed to limiting my consumption of negative media sources and instead consuming books, movies, music, and ideas that uplift me. Notice it's about balance more than "purity." I will read the news. But I will not doomscroll the news until 2am. What fuel are YOU gathering to propel your transformation?

3) "What can I allow to dissolve? How can I release anything harmful or no longer needed?" Oddly enough, allowing things to dissolve may take the most resolve of all. We tend to cling to things that no longer serve us, grappling with the trauma of past events, and it takes a commitment to a greater purpose to ultimately move on. I am committed to gently allowing guilt, resentment, blame, and shame to come up in my awareness and when they are ready, without resistence, to thank them and let them go. I am committed to allowing frustrations, disapointments and heart breaks to be as they are, and as they become ready, to let them go. I am committed to allowing all my old stories and limiting beliefs to melt back into the essence of cosmic possibility and to reemerge as something completely new, trading in crawling along for the capability of flight. What are YOU allowing to dissolve?

So, what is my new resolution this year? I resolve to dissolve. To go to goo. By doing what the caterpillars do, I resolve to dissolve into something completely new.