Death of the Dreamers: The Pursuit of Happiness

A few years ago, when a lot of my friends left for university, I stayed behind. A lot of you may already know why. For those who don't, the TL;DR is, I was incredibly depressed and didn't think going to university was the best option for me, nor did I think it was safe. Yes, another depressed millennial, trust me I wish I was different too, but I digress.

That Christmas, everyone started coming back, filled with exciting (drunken) stories about their trials and tribulations at university with their new friends. I remember one time during that first Christmas break, we were at a local bar, and it felt like a school reunion, I knew practically everyone I came across.

Our group of friends bumped into some people we hadn't seen since we left sixth form, I found myself talking to a girl who used to be in my year. We inevitably got onto what we were doing out of school, so she asked me: "What university did you go to?"

We all know now that I didn't go, and I'd assumed my choice had been public knowledge. Naturally, I responded:

"Well, I didn't go but—"

I never got to finish that sentence because she then turned away and left. I was taken aback. What had I done? What was that about? Did I smell funny? Was she intending to be so rude?

Then it happened again on another night out in Bath. Admittedly, this conversation was when so much more alcohol had been consumed, but at around the same point in the conversation. In this girl's defense, this was on the dance floor, surrounded by god knows how many other university students trying it on with one another, so maybe she just happened to get lost in the noise.

Being the depressed, anxiety ridden mess that I am, I have over-analyzed these scenarios to death. It still bothers me from time to time, but I know that that is stupid and push it out of mind.

I used to run a small YouTube channel, it wasn't successful by any means, but man, I loved making videos. I loved messing around on video games with my friends (still do). Despite that, I was relentlessly mocked for it at school. The odd person here and there would say they watched my stuff and enjoyed it, which made me over the moon. For the most part, however, I was mocked simply for trying to do something different. I closed it down because I couldn't deal with the negativity, even though I loved it. That hurt.

When I began writing online I had a similar, albeit much less frequent or malicious reaction. Me telling people. "I'm trying to be a writer, I want to write books," consistently brought about low-key eye-rolls and that "sure thing, buddy, whatever you say" kind of attitude to their response. Obviously, now I've finally started to prove them wrong. I've got my own short story published in an anthology amongst other truly exceptional authors. I'm the baby of the group in the sense of experience and age, but I've managed to stand amongst them as equals and they're all lovely!

You buy the anthology, Burning, here if you fancy some short thrillers for Christmas, it's rated 4.7/5 on Amazon!

I had a friend make a bet with me not too long ago. I took it seriously, even if it was slightly in jest. He bet his car that not only would I not become a published author, but I'd never make over £100k in sales.

I had already got the email to confirm my story's place in the anthology a few days before. Kept it quiet for dramatic effect. Watch out, Kieran, I'm after your car next. I don't care if it's the day after you've bought a new one, you're handing it to me. (I've got him on the ropes.)

Despite all this, I still feel there were people who doubted my achievements, there will still be people who are like: "Really? He's gotten published? Can't have been that good."

That could be me being paranoid, though. I have no evidence of it, but that's how it's always felt. I was never popular, the things I was good at weren't the things all the "cool" kids liked or what they were good at. So, all my achievements were met with "oh, nice" and forgotten about before the next pause for breath.

I even felt this from teachers to some extent. At my options evening in year nine (picking our subjects for GSCEs in year 10 and 11), I came across one of my many languages teachers. She spoke to me smugly, assuming I was picking a language for the following year. I wasn't, and I told her that I was picking art instead for that particular block of subjects.

In front of my parents I might add, she preceded to tell me I was "too intelligent to do art, and should pick something more intellectual instead."

Yes, apparently I'm not allowed to be creative because I'm clever. I'm not sure what is more insulting; her suggestion that intelligent people can't also be creative, or that creative people can't possibly be clever. I probably shouldn't go back and tell her what career path I'm taking now then.

(Edit: Recently spoke to my brother about this teacher, apparently she left a while ago now. Shame, that.)

Fair enough, you want your students to do well and expect certain things from them, but to belittle their choices based on their level of intelligence? You can sod off. Never liked her anyway.

I know I've spoken a lot about my personal experience here, don't get me wrong I've got some great supporters amongst my friends, family and fellow writers online, but it's something I see everywhere in modern society.

I see it especially with famous YouTubers. A lot of people outside of that particular circle always question why don't they just do a "regular job" and stop making videos. I don't think anyone realizes how stupid they are to suggest someone stop doing their job, when they're making good money from it. That's like me telling my mum to stop being an accountant because I am bad at maths and hate numbers. It makes no sense.

The internet and advances in technology have opened up so many different possibilities for people to earn a living doing what they love. Some people make an absolute killing recording or live-streaming video games, others make their bucks behind the scenes, creating graphics and editing videos for others. Instagram has smashed open not only the photography industry but also the traditional modeling industry and made them more accessible for anyone to try.

The nine to five routine of old isn't going anywhere, the majority of people go to work Monday through Friday, do the same things day in and day out, come home for the weekend, only to go back at it again the following week. For some people, a lot of people, this works. That's fine. That's absolutely fine by me. I have zero qualms with anyone who wants to work a steady job in a consistent routine, routine is good for maintaining balance. However, what I do have an issue with is people getting needlessly aggressive to others online over how they make their money.

I imagine a lot of the animosity stems from jealousy. You may not necessarily understand how these people make their money, but as long as they're not hurting anyone, why does it upset you so much? Why must you tear other peoples' careers down?

If you're so certain that what the person you're trolling does to make a living is "shit" or "easy because anybody could do it," I dare you to actually try it. Try and do better than these people you're mocking. I bet you won't, because you know deep down you haven't got the faintest idea. You know you just need to stay in your lane. Critique people by all means, do not abuse them.

A couple of months ago, I stopped putting something off, and finally sat down to watch La La Land. It wasn't the film I was expecting, but I absolutely adored it. I was truly lost in its wonder and beauty. It's many things, and those things are certainly open to interpretation.

One thing that I took away from that movie is that if you have a dream, you need to give it your all to achieve it. Sometimes that requires sacrifices, sometimes that requires being rejected when it's not your time to shine.

Don't be beaten by the bad times. Because if you're passionate enough about it, and truly believe you can excel and not only achieve your dreams, but make a comfortable life for yourself and your family while doing it, you better bloody give it a go. Or I'll hunt you down.

Whatever the negativity you come across is, be it internal or external, you've got to push through it. Those people want you to fail. I enjoy watching fail compilations as much as the next guy, but watching people fail in their aspirations? That's tough, and sometimes, upsetting for me.

I've seen so many people I've known through school and work just let go of their dreams. Some people just seem to give up, they're told they can't do it so they don't. They find something "normal," something to fit into society. Others try different things, and I respect that, but far too many people give up at the first hurdle, it's a shame to see.

There are more than enough people on this planet that "fit in." Normality isn't all it's cracked up to be. Why would you want to want to be like everybody else? We're a species where everybody is unique, yet we're expected to work the same jobs, do the same things. The beauty of the human race is our ability to dream. To picture what we want so clearly and completely, that anything else just doesn't seem right.

So, I guess this article is a shout out to the dreamers. To the actors waiting on that call back, to the local band waiting for their chance to make it big, or the countless YouTube personalities who just starting out.

KEEP GOING.

Your time will come. Don't give up when the world is waiting for you.

The sky isn't the limit, it's the foundation. Aim higher. Dream.

To quote The 1975, just give yourself a try.