Dear Jenna

Dear Jenna

Last week, a pupil of mine gifted me a beautiful Moleskine notebook and I have relished this morning unwrapping the cellophane, appreciating the smooth sturdiness of the article; and the sense of promise- unlimited promise- that inevitably comes with the blank pages of a clean notebook. Even though it may seem strange, I knew in my heart when I woke up today that I wanted to use the first pages to write a letter to you. And so I sit here now, admiring the winter sunshine, pen in hand, steaming coffee beside me, ready to do so.

You don't know me and we have never met but I have spent so much time thinking about you these past couple of years, that in a strange way I feel like I do know you. It is funny how easily it can be sometimes to infringe on a stranger's perception of reality without even realising it.

I know your face well; I have garnered so much about your character from the small fragments of it I have had access to, though perhaps for the most part it is a product of my imagination. However, I have a feeling that if we had ever met, incidentally, outside of all of this, that we would have gotten along well. We may even have been friends.

I have to confess I have harboured a lot of negative feelings towards you since I learned of your existence, and that is why I am writing this letter. It is entirely unfair to you that I should have felt this way and even more importantly, entirely unfair to myself. That is why I am writing to you now- I wish to send nothing but love and goodwill toward you and in doing so, to purge myself of this negativity.

You are very beautiful woman and I hope that you wake up each morning with a sense of your beauty and self worth. I hope that what you do each day excites and fulfils you and that when you go to bed each night you fall asleep with a smile on your face with the knowledge that you have spent the day living your best possible life. That is my wish for everyone and it is certainly my wish for you too.

I do not blame you for anything that happened. I know well how magnetic he is- how contagious his energy and it only makes me proud to know that I have found someone so special to spend my life with. I would have behaved in the same way had our circumstances been reversed. I also wish to apologise for any pain inflicted on yourself during the events that unfolded and to acknowledge any responsibility I hold for it. I hope that you recovered quickly and used it as an opportunity to learn and to grow.

Most importantly - and some might say most strangely - of all, I wish to thank you. I wish to thank you deeply and from the bottom of my heart. This might seem strange, but you see, all of this has resulted in the most incomprehensible growth and fulfilment in my own life. Ironically it has improved the trust and communication within my relationship a thousand-fold and solidified an understanding of everything he and I mean to one another. I do not say this with any sense of spite or oneupmanship- it is just the truth and I do owe you thanks for it.

Far more pertinently, however, is the personal spiritual journey I have embarked upon this year that transcends anything I could previously have imagined. I know how bizarre this sounds, but it is the truth that in a roundabout way you have been the catalyst for a most deep understanding of my sense of self and the world around me; and I have experienced utterly immeasurable growth in terms of how I interact with it; and with the processes that occur within my own heart. Putting this on to the page now has only emphasised further to me how completely absurd it is that I should ever have held any negativity towards you at all.

I wish not to be too prosaic in the way I am presenting the experiences I have had as a result of my second hand interactions with you. What I will say though, is that I have learned the most important lessons it is possible to learn in life as a result of them. The way I approach each day when I wake up in the morning has been revolutionised since I realised the harm I was causing to myself as a result of my own neuroses. If you had never appeared on the periphery of my life experience I may never have understood this and so, I feel the need to extend to you this sentiment:

From the depths of my soul- wherever you are and whatever you are doing- I truly hope that every day of your life is filled with love, adventures and magic. I hope you love yourself, care for yourself and flow with the energy of your highest being. I hope that life gifts you with everything that you desire and that you are treated kindly and respectfully by the people around you. I hope that you are able to follow your heart at every turn and that in doing so you are exposed to endless love and joy around every unexpected corner. I hope that the air you breathe feels fresh and rejuvenating; I hope the water you drink is ice-cold and refreshing; I hope that the food you eat is delicious and nourishing; I hope that the feeling of the sun on your skin is warming and comforting.

I hope that one day, someone will gift you a Moleskine notebook. And that you will wake up one morning, unwrap it and, rather than seeing it as just a notebook, you will make yourself a lovely strong cup of tea or coffee or whatever you like to drink, and sit down, and see it as an opportunity; utilise it in such a way as to bring peace to your heart and peace with the world around you.

With lots of love and the utmost regard,

From the friend you didn't know you had or helped,

Beth xxx