Choose your hard

This year, huh? Wow. Man, this challenge couldn’t come at a better time. This year sure was good to me. Unconventionally good. Still waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop out of the bushes and tell me that I’m being punk’d (wow, that just gave away my age like, whoa).

But even so, I could live off the amount of possibilities and wins from this year to last a lifetime. If I fall, and trust me I will, this past year showed me to choose your hard and that the sky is the limit. That’s what this new motto will be. Every year I choose a word or mantra that fits the narrative of the way things are circulating for me. Choose your hard can fit any narrative. If things are fleeting for the stars, choose your hard. If things crash and call for a do-over, choose your hard!

Why did I choose this one cliche slogan to sum up a lesson of this year?

Well, in the words of the Killers, “ it started out with a kiss.”

That’s a goodbye kiss to be exact. One year ago, last November, I landed my very first Top Story on Vocal. Yes, this is an anniversary of a comeback moment for me as a writer, if you will.

I wrote Goodbye kiss, a story on reoccurring nightmares I was plagued with of the same scenario -in result to abandonment. You can view the story here.

I had been a member on Vocal for 3 years and hadn’t written on the platform in probably over a year until I was scourged with insecurity. Single, bored and sad. Man, to think if that’s where you have to be to end up where I am a year later then I have zero regrets.

In November of last year, I thought of the brilliant idea one morning, a Saturday morning to be exact, to log on to Vocal and write. Mainly to get out this anxiety that often times comes with taunting, haunting and daunting dreams. I used all three because I couldn’t decide.

Really, to extract the very vivid feelings of abandonment in the battlefield of my subconscious. After I wrote it down, still drenched in my pajamas, I put my phone down and went to brush my teeth. Later that day Goodbye kiss flooded with comments as you know the feeling of receiving a Top Story.

The Edgar Allen Poe was revived in me! Such encouragement from my grief made the agony hurt less for sure! Made it kinda worth it. Well, just wait.

From Shakespeare to Mary Shelley, I have somehow morphed into some kind of fancy emo poet by facing my fear of stage fright and reading live poetry infront of over a hundred creative artists at the Dali museum in St.Pete, Florida. That was the moment I realized, wow, I wouldn’t be up here if it wasn’t for ‘hard things.’ For something that makes you question why this had to happen in the first place.

In May, I won my first challenge ever. I prayed to just place, but received second place winner in Vocals Travel challenge, writing about my Hispanic roots.

This is one of those prayers that you pray “God I don’t know if it’s your will, but if I should pursue writing please give me the green light” when I started to consider dropping over a grand on writing courses, such as copywriting and journalism school. Which later, I dished out the funds for both courses and pursued a writing career. Still feeling repulsive, I contemplated the whole thing. Money is always the turning point if something should remain a dream or become a reality. “Why did I drop so much cash if it’s probably going to bite me in the end and I’m probably never gonna make a real living as a writer?” No one is going to hire a person with just a few writing samples and no work, I counseled myself. But the green flags continued to sway ahead when after I completed my copywriting course I continued to receive Top Stories, receiving one every month of this year until I had to break from writing on Vocal in September when I landed my first ever dream job as journalist for my county in Florida, reporting news for multiple cities and multiple publications! I quickly learned from my copy course how to put together a portfolio of the work I had achieved here on Vocal along with some other credible resources and landed a job writing local news for my beloved city, who is going through so much havoc these last few weeks after catastrophic back to back hurricanes. But even that has been used to my benefit. Talk about a year! It doesn’t even feel real. I’ve never been so certain about anything in my life as I do about being a writer. Whenever I have doubted it, someone would comment a word of encouragement of how it’s impacted their day, and I would quickly remember why I do this. Because I love it.

How could I doubt something so evident? It’s like my faith. The two prove themselves true over and over. All of the achievements of this year isn’t because ‘I’m a good writer’. All of this years goodness to me is because of all the sorrow that’s been replaced with joy. The lesson is turning into light something that terrifies you to the point of defeat, and allowing my Creator to dwindle around my heart and clean up the areas that need replenishing. He makes me weigh out my priorities daily. He tells me to choose my hard, because both are.

So with that, this entire past year, I have also been working up a collection of poetry in a book for publication. On the sidelines between schooling and working a full time job, I wrote The Diary of an Emo Latina which showcases every poem I’ve written this year pulled out from that dark closet of secrets and restored them back to the place where we count it all joy.

October 31st I submitted my manuscript to multiple publishers and is currently in the waiting season of traditional publishing vs. self publishing. Either way, we will have a book published in the next year if I don’t land a publisher.

What I want you to know, of all that I’ve come to learn this year is that when I call, he answers. It’s a spiritual journey that I cannot begin to describe to one unless they’ve experienced it themselves. But it all begins by choosing your hard, a sermon my pastor reminds us of often, as it is imperative to our daily decision making.

A goodbye kiss that leads to the stars is sure one I’ll kiss again.