Caution ⚠️ : DO NOT CROSS THIS LINE

Throughout my lifetime, I’ve seen my share of LACK of boundaries or very unclear boundaries; in myself and other people. From inappropriate comments that were responded with just a ‘Hehe’ and an uncomfortable smile, to having to set limits on a person’s availability to you because you are trying to pour into their day and desires with an empty pitcher.

So, what are boundaries? They’re simply limits that can be used to maintain balance and order in your life, as well as giving others guidance on what is and is not appropriate TO YOU.

The main types of boundaries we will discuss today are are : Creating Physical boundaries, Emotional Boundaries, and Time boundaries. However, some other ones include : Sexual Boundaries, Financial Boundaries, Intellectual Boundaries, and Expectation boundaries.

Boundaries sometimes are normally looked at in a more negative light, but boundaries aren’t all bad, though. Setting boundaries can do a lot of good in your life, such as;

1. Gain clarity on what type of people you want to give energy to, and what they may have to offer you.

2. Increase your confidence, decision making and observance skills.

3. Help you limit the possibility of People Pleasing

4. Self Care improvement (learning to take time for yourself instead of ignoring your needs for their wants)

5. Create healthy relationship connections and not unhealthy attachments or expectations

6. Create independence and courage to say no to the things you don’t want instead of doing something you don’t like because you don’t know how ti say No.

That’s just a SMALL amount of the transformative effects that setting boundaries can do for you to improve your well being and increase the quality of your relationships and life.

Sometimes it’s hard to know WHO needs these boundaries, so now it’s time to dive in on who you may need to start setting boundaries with. Some people need boundaries, and some people need general space and detachment. I will also be talking about the HOW you can take healthy steps to establish these boundaries.

You may need to set boundaries if you are around people who :

1. Often want your time & make you feel bad if you say no. This can look like complaining when you don’t give them the answer they’re looking for. This can look like gaslighting you for saying no. These situations call for learning to give space from them physically. You shouldn’t be persuaded to feel bad for not hanging with someone,. Being manipulated isn’t cool.

2. Feed on negativity. These are the toxic people who are always causing issues, making you feel worse when you are around them, creating uncertainty and concern or fear when in their presence, or make you feel uncomfortable around them in general. These types of people you may need to be extremely limited with physically and emotionally. Not much conversation, distancing yourself from them. That kind of energy is contagious. You can attempt to redirect their behavior with positive counter arguments, but if it’s too often that you’re doing it, you may need to distance yourself from them.

3. Those who want your time, but uses it to pass time instead of being productive. This is a slippery slope for many people because some friends want friends to escape life with them, and some people want friends they can build with. If you’re the type who is more of a productive friend, then being around time wasters is an emotional red flag for you and you have to learn how to say no to them or not be around them much at all. It will emotionally trigger you when you’re not being productive, and that’s an unnecessary strain to have with a friend.

4. Gossipers. Those who enjoy talking about others is ALWAYS a red flag because if they’re talking about others behind their backs to you, they’re more than likely doing that same thing to you with someone else. Very limited contact with these people, and learning how to say no and respectfully correcting their behavior if they’re around you when it happens. It’ll hurt you if you find out they’re doing it to you, and what’s worse, is that most gossipers aren’t honest and will emotionally manipulate you by saying they aren’t doing it when they are. They’ll challenge your trust, so be weary.

It is HEALTHY to set boundaries, especially when you have friends but don’t know the full purpose they have in your life. Sometimes you have all of those, sometimes you have few.

As a recap, when you learn how to set physical, emotional, and time boundaries, you are also increasing your self confidence, creating healthier relationship connections, finding clarity over the friendships you want, and are learning your independence with how you spend your time and can learn how to give back to back to yourself and cater to yourself vs ignoring your needs for others wants.

You create balance with boundaries. When you become clear with what you allow and what you don’t allow, you create the circle of people YOU ENJOY being around. You can THRIVE around them, and you can building a lasting friendship when they bring YOUR type of value to the table.

Time to create healthier friendship circles, family!