But am I truly living ?

If you can't make "you" happy neither can life's circumstances, is something that I have consistently told myself over the past few years, like how can I ever truly be happy if I'm allowing the things outside of me to control my narrative, who am I without the status that I uphold, where would I be without the difficult times in my life that made me to who I am today ? I personally believe that obstacles character and failure breeds success but sometimes I forget that my life doesn't always have to be perfect for me to feel complete, for me to feel whole, for me to feel free, for me to fully bathe in the essence of who I am and truly take care of myself, sometimes I forget to put myself first but this year I refuse to allow my heart to be overwhelmed with feeling the need to be doing more, feeling the need to go out of my way to please other people, feeling the need to be depleted of my own energy and drained to the point where I'm not able to be fully present with myself. This is the year of self reflection, of self redemption, the year I clear the debt that I owe myself, it's truly time to pay myself back for giving away my power during the times that I needed it most, for giving up my personal freedom for materialism, this is the year of forgiveness. I forgive myself for settling for less than I deserve, I forgive myself for overstepping my own boundaries to please other people, I forgive myself for not taking care of my mental health and placing worry, fear and blame in front of my self worth, this is the year that I replace fear, with hope, with faith and with self love, this is the year where I stop allowing grief to make homes out of the remnants of temporary moments, that I wish would of lasted forever but instead they submerged themselves into my bones and created a shelter in my sacred space but this is the year that I release my burdens and free myself from feeling obligated to hold up the weight of the world, the weight of my own fear of failure. I consciously choose to wake up and love myself through it all, to wake up and choose me. I choose rest over everything, I choose to rest my my spirit, to rest my heart, my mind and my body, I choose to live for me and not for other people. I choose to wake up with a peace of mind, a clear conscious and a open heart. I'm taking my power back and making amends with acceptance, I'm taking my power back by choosing to make peace with my past self, by choosing to heal my inner child, by transmuting my trauma into beautiful music, transmuting my darkness into lyrics, into love, into harmonies, into light, into life. I release my attachments with ease, grace, gratitude and faith. I understand that through healing myself I am able to heal others, through loving myself I am able to love others and through acceptance I am able to find peace within my heart, within my soul and with my physical body, this is the year that I am coming into my own and into acceptance that every stage of my life is important, and I am truly at peace with the process, I am at peace with the step before I bare the fruit, this is the year that I stop putting conditions on my own happiness and accept that true happiness is not conditional and I'm okay with rejection and I will stand effortlessly in my power whether people accept me for who I am or they do not. I refuse to dim my light for anyone, this is the year that I choose me.