Buddha's Advice If You're Angry

How do you respond in the event that you get harmed? Do you seek revenge or do you choose to overlook it? In the case that you do not vent out your anger, is it possible to change it? Or do you just keep it in? A tree takes years to grow and bear fruit, but can be cut down in an instant. If compassion and wisdom are the trees we grow, anger is the ax that can chop them down. In Buddhism, anger, conflict, and hatred are identified as major obstacles to achieving an awakened consciousness and the primary source of suffering.

For today’s discussion, we’ll look at anger through the lens of two Buddhist stories that either directly or indirectly help manage anger more effectively. They provide wisdom on how problems can be dealt with positive outcomes for both parties. Anger has a wide range of victims: yourself, your parents, siblings, children, friends, neighbors, or even strangers. Is there any need for pointing out to whom you inflict pain? One way or the other, it results in pain and suffering. Today’s world is a perfect example of the power of rage when gone unleaded and we are on the verge of experiencing massive disorder.

Let us delve into the earliest tale found in the Pali Canon, which is the oldest collection of Buddhist scriptures. He turned against anger, the celebrated moment one feels buddha himself. That brings us to one of the most important Buddhist teachings, the most important one, the knowledge of emptiness, which is realization and then leads to the deepest and truest compassion toward selves and others. It started trouble when a Brahmin named "the Reviler" burst into the Buddha's camp with curses and shouts of insults.

The Buddha, calm and composed, waited for the Reviler to finish. He then asked, “Tell me, Brahman, do you sometimes have visitors?" Taken aback, the Reviler replied, “Yes, I do.” The Buddha continued, “When you welcome guests, do you offer them food, drink, and shelter?” The confused Reviler answered in a lower voice, “Yes.”

The Buddha then clarified, “If your visitors reject your offerings, to whom do those offerings belong?” The Reviler hesitated and replied, “They remain with me.” The Buddha gently explained, “You hate us who do not reciprocate hatred. You abuse us who do not respond in kind. We do not accept these offerings, Brahman, so they belong to you.”

The Reviler stood still for a moment. Then, with lowered eyes, he left the camp. This story may mislead some. They might think it was the Buddha's victory over the Reviler. However, the true message lies in a teaching found in the Vepacitti Sutta: “Returning anger for anger is a fault. Not giving anger for anger wins a double victory.” This response benefits both the one who feels anger and the one who receives it.

The Buddha's response shows us that another person's anger becomes our problem only if we allow it. Anger and offense are often choices we make unconsciously. If we cultivate mindfulness, we can respond more intelligently to conflict. We need not identify with our emotions, allowing us to direct them consciously rather than letting them direct us.

Consider the last time anger consume you. Could a moment of mindfulness have changed your response? The second lesson from the Buddha’s interaction is that anger often obscures understanding. By helping another return to clarity, we can prevent the spread of anger and suffering.

The second story comes from Thich Nhat Hanh. A monk sought total peace for meditation. He tried many places but found disturbances everywhere, even on the lake. He rowed to the middle of the lake, longing for undisturbed meditation. Just as he lowered his gaze, another boat crashed into him. Filled with rage, he prepared to confront the intruder.

Upon closer inspection, he realized the boat was empty. In that moment, the monk achieved self-realization. He understood that his anger was produced by his own thoughts. The empty boat served as a mirror reflecting his own mind. He learned that anger arises from the stories we tell ourselves about people and situations.

This story illustrates projection—seeing in others what we repress within ourselves. The monk repressed his aggression to maintain his self-image. The empty boat reflected this repressed feeling back to him, revealing that anger often starts within us.

On a deeper level, the empty boat teaches about emptiness. The monk recognized that many factors led to the situation. Conditions, such as the wind and his own choices, combined to create the moment. Even if someone hurt us, their actions result from numerous impersonal causes.

Returning to our first story, the Buddha did not feel anger toward the Reviler because he understood him to be an empty boat. There was no true self behind the hateful words.

I hope these two stories give you useful insights into handling anger. Consider the lessons from your own experiences. Each insight can be beneficial for those who read them. Much obliged for taking part in this journey.