Breaking down the walls I've built

For me a fresh start to 2021 would be to start tearing down the walls I've built up in my head to keep me "comfortable"...

This year I'll be turning 28 years old, not far from 30. This scares me, not because of thinking I'll be old but due to the fact that I feel like I haven't lived to the potential I feel I could of been so far in my life.

Don't get me wrong though as I love my life, I have an amazing support system with my family and small circle of close friends, a gorgeous fiancé that I purchased a house with last year and loving dog that could be a pain in the ass at times...

I think what really has me down is my career. I work a s a Financial Advisor for a Credit Union, The job isn't anything special. I get my own office, paid just enough to pay my bills and get some satisfaction out the times I am able to make a difference with a members financial situation but for the last few years I've been feeling more and more stuck, could be the lack of opportunities in the northern community here in Saskatchewan, Canada. As a kid I never thought of myself working for a bank or financial institution, especially considering I was terrible and had no interest in math during school... It's not like it's a terrible job and I know others may love to have it and I should be grateful but the point for me is just not wanted to have that feeling of being "stuck". We all want to to love what we do for a living and right now I don't...

I kind of just ended up with the job after high school. Was asked about applying, sent in resume, showed up to interview and got the job. Never really thought about if it was something I wanted to do for the next 8 years of my life.

I've been stuck and never left or searched for other places due to the walls I built up in my head, my comfort zone. I'm scared to take chances on myself to try something new because of the fear of failing... Failing to make a mortgage payment, to take my fiancé out for dinner, having others see me as a failure or worse, seeing myself as a failure.

But this year will be different, I decided to begin taking more chances on myself.

Little by little, step by step I will go forward with betting on myself to succeed or at least learn because I know I have nothing but support from my family and friends...

My first step came last week when I decided to finally enter a screenplay contest for one of my scripts, as the anxiety tried to take over I fought back and did it. Now it's just the waiting part for the results later this year, even though I don't expect to win, it's a good start for my writing. My next step is already being planned with a childhood friend of mine of starting a podcast, which would be a big step out of my comfort zone for me, but I'm excited and hopeful for the future.

This year will be my fresh start to a more open me, because if I'm not holding myself back I feel that alone open's up a lot of new things for me. A year of learning. A year of opportunities and a year of taking chances.

I don't expect to be this whole new version of myself overnight, or even within the year. But it's a good start.

It's not much, but it's huge for me...