Bitterness And Resentment

When someone hurts us, breaks our heart, embarrasses us, rejects us, criticizes us, or maybe just inconveniences us, quite often our reaction is one of bitterness and anger. We too often have this urge to get even, wanting to retaliate and get revenge, by causing some hurt, embarrassment, or inconvenience, on them in return. We feel low, we feel sad, we feel unhappy, we feel betrayed, and we feel nothing but resentment and bitterness towards that person. I can honestly say I have, for too long, been on of those people, and one thing I have started to learn in life, is exactly what today's quote reads. I sure am working on myself to get better in this area, as I know how it has negatively impacted me, over these years. Harboring bitterness and resentment inflicts no pain, hurt, embarrassment, or inconvenience, back on that other person whatsoever. As far as physically plotting and executing a plan to get revenge, well that's not going to make things better or right either, despite what we may believe. Plus, two wrongs do not make a right, after all. The only outcome that results from constantly feeling bitterness and resentment, is we actually start inflicting more pain, suffering, misery, and hurt, upon ourselves. How many times have you been in the situation where harsh words were perhaps spoken between you and another person, where many harmful and derogatory words were exchanged, which ended up becoming extremely personal and hurtful? Following the disagreement, you walked away feeling extremely angry, hurt, bitter, and maybe you even ended up in tears. Then, over the next few days, that same event plays over and over in your head, and you start thinking of all the different things you should have said to better defend yourself, or you should have worded differently, or perhaps things that could have inflicted more hurt back on them. How many times has this happened to you? So, how do you feel in these moments? You continue to feel angry, hurt, upset, and even regretful, of course, but now have a think of what these feelings are doing to you mentally.

When we look back over our life, a lot of the regrets, errors in judgement, and mistakes we have made, more often than not, have resulted from when we were operating from a negative mindset. Times when we were angry, upset, frustrated, and hurt, we went ahead and said things, or did things, that we ended up later going to on to regret. Nothing positive ever results from negativity, that's a fact. We can certainly turn that negativity into creating something positive out of it, but we can't go back and change the initially negativity itself. When we are angry, sad, frustrated, hurt, or the like, all of which are emotions derived from a negative mindset, we become prone to making some rash and poor decisions. On the flip side, when we are in a positive frame of mind, we feel motivated, inspired, determined, and focused, allowing us to see things more clearly, and that's when we tend to make the more productive and beneficial decisions. It doesn't mean that being a positive state of mind will guarantee we make the right decisions all the time, because we will always encounter failures and challenges, but we are far better placed than what we would be operating in a negative state of mind. It's exactly the same when it comes to being resentful and bitter towards someone, for something they said or did to us. We know that our own decisions and non-decisions of our past, that have led us to regret today, and have a habit of making us feel upset, sad, and hurt, especially when we allow ourselves to continually focus on them. Well, when we hold on to the bitterness and resentment towards someone else, it produces exactly the same result. We are not letting go of that hurt, pain, sadness, and inconvenience, but instead, we are continually allowing our mind to be dictated by these negative emotions. We are keeping ourselves prisoner to this negative mindset, focusing our energy on getting revenge and remaining hurt, rather than transitioning back to a positive mindset, to which we could be focusing on our goals, and helping others in life. We are in fact punishing ourselves for something someone else did to us, which only compounds the hurt, pain, and sadness.

One of the hardest things to do in life, is to forgive someone. Forgiveness is an action that leads to freedom and release however. When we hold on to regret, and continually focus on our mistakes of the past, how can we expect to progress forward and prosper in life, when we are always feeling negative? We need to forgive ourselves, understand that we have made mistakes, accept that we have no control over changing that event, circumstance, or situation, and redirect our attention to instead learning from the past, and designing the best possible future for ourselves. Forgiving ourselves is one thing, but forgiving others is even harder again. How can we possibly forgive someone for hurting us? How can we possibly forgive someone who has caused us great pain, sadness, and suffering? One thing is for sure, it's far from easy, but as it is, we are left with only having one of two choices to make. One, we can hold on to that anger, hurt, pain, bitterness, and resentment, and allow it to have us continually mull over what has happened, leading us to experience these same emotions over and over again, and ultimately, we go on to live a wasted life of misery and unhappiness. The second choice we have, is we can forgive that other person. Now forgiveness is not about going up to that person to give them a great big hug, a bunch of flowers, and a thank you note saying that we forgive them for hurting us. Forgiveness is about letting go of that hurt, pain, sadness, and suffering. It's about rising above what that other person did or said to you, and acknowledging that they too, are human, and they will make mistakes, as indeed they did to you. Some transgressions are bigger than others, there's no disputing that, but each transgression becomes a moment in the past, and time cannot be recovered. However great the transgression, it still leads us back to accepting one of those two choices. Accept they've made a mistake, be it big or small, and forgive that person, exactly how you expect others would forgive you if you transgressed against them. If it's a partner, friend, or loved one, sometimes it's best to put pride aside, and even apologize for the disagreement, even if you are adamant you were in the right. Family, friendships, and relationships, are about love, after all, and love is a positive emotion. Be the bigger person, forgive them, and move on. Feel that release and freedom as you let go of that hurt, pain, and sadness. The key is to focus on something else, directing your mind to something positive, such as your goals. At the end of the day, holding on to bitterness and resentment is doing us no favors whatsoever, but instead, it is doing us harm. We want to be happy, successful, and positive. When someone transgresses against you, remember the four F's. Forgive, forget, and focus on the future.

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