advise for a happier life

I started writing about this when a friend of mine recently asked me for advice, a life lesson, or something worth sharing.

It is very difficult for me to think that something I will share could generate a change or become a life lesson for some, because I firmly believe that the only way to grow as a person, and learn about life, is through your own experiences. At least that's how it always worked for me.

What I have decided to share, is my way of assimilation and learning from these experiences. Maybe this is a way to help you take your own personal experiences and make the most out of them.

I see people who simply refuse to see the signs, no matter how obvious or clear they are. Those who take every loss or failure as a personal failure, disappointment, or an excuse to give up. This is the only real mistake.

Throughout my life I have been immensely happy, so much so that I felt that my heart was about to explode of joy. And I have also been deeply sad and crushed, that I've experienced situations from which I thought I would never recover; that it was better to stop, that I had nothing else to fight for, that it was not worth living.

But guess what, I was wrong. And I have been happy again and miserable again. Again I have been rejected, and again I have had new dreams that I have fulfilled and then decided to fight for something different. For bigger ones.

The important thing in life is to always keep in mind that NOTHING LASTS FOREVER (it sounds very "hashtag" and cliche, but it's also a way to face life). Imagine for a second the worst moment of your life. You are aware that it is going to pass, because, it is going to pass. You feel the pain, you accept it, but you do not let it consume you or drown you. Instead you remind yourself that it will pass and you rejoice with the certainty, that you will overcome it, and you will be stronger; closer to the person you want to become. You have the certainty that even if you don't know how yet, you will find a way to overcome the pain, learn from it, and take advantage of the situation for your own sake.

In the world and in life there are so many things that we cannot control. So many things that are beyond our effort and determination, so many factors that are impossible to prevent or manage, the only thing left is to accept them. Flow, because resistance is suffering.

Understand that there is a greater force, that we do not know or understand, but we have to accept in order to live peacefully.

If you put all your strength and commitment into something, for example, getting a job, you give your best and you think that your happiness will be there, you are certain that's all you want. But it doesn't happen. For whatever reason... for something you cannot control, like an administrative problem, health issue, or simply someone else gets the job.

In situations like this we tend to get frustrated, discouraged, and suffer, because we refuse to follow the cause of things. We think that we know what will make us happy, we are sure, who will know better? well.. you're wrong sweetheart. We are refusing to consider any other options or other ways , we become blind for a "hot second," so to speak, and tend to think that if we don't do it this way we will never be happy.

We were wrong again. DON'T WASTE ENERGY.

If you save that wasted energy in feeling bad and frustrated, you could be alert, picking up the signals that the world is trying to send you. Willing to go along with it, this higher force, which guides us and tells us; no, not there.

Countless times after a situation like this I found something cooler than I ever imagined, be it a person, a trip, another job, something. You'll understand the reason why your plane didn't work out, sooner than later and you'll regret all that time you spend suffering and fighting that reality.

Flow is about acceptance, stop having bad times with drama and resistance, and start letting go, accepting even before you understand. Save yourself the suffering, always work hard for what you want but if doesn't work.. go with the flow, hunt for new opportunities, re-plan your plan.

BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF, constantly being introspective. Start being aware of what you generate in others in your environment, at home, at work, with your partner and friends.

Be aware of what you generate and how you react to others. Don't assume that others are to blame. Sometimes we are toxic, but we are not even aware. stop playing the victim, that puts you in a place where there's no space to grow. More than cutting ties with toxic people, it is important to cut the toxicity inside us. REAL CHANGE STARTS INSIDE OUT.

THERE ISN'T RIGHT OR WRONG IN LOVE. Be brave enough to create your own rules, do not be afraid to be real, honest, imperfect, and purely you. You are totally and completely worthy of love (even with all that weirdness and crazy you try to tone down).

What is good about a long and stable relationship, if to maintain it, you need to cover up thoughts and hide your deepest desires? if you can't be completely bold and real with your partner, is not a real relationship honey.

Don't be afraid to be real and surrender.

The base of any relationship is communication. If I compare my first relationship with the ones I have today, I am proud of my spiritual growth and the way that changed my relationships. This is a growth of practice and error that you have to live by yourself, there is no advice or magic recipe that will save you from the pain and disappointment that come with this part of life. But you're also not going to miss on the gratification and the incredible feelings that comes true love.

It is normal to be a little roboticized and accustomed to rules and forms imposed by romantic love; where desire for others is demonized and related to lack of respect or love, where trust has limits, and there are many things we are expected to hide from our partners.

What we feel or think is never wrong, hiding it and keeping it secret generates guilt and remorse and diminishes the trust and complicity necessary to grow in love as partners.

Because there is no perfect recipe or set rules that suit everybody. A couple is made up of two (or more in polyamorous relationships) and they are the only ones with a say in rules of their own relationship.

It is stupid to think that the social norms of a "romantic relationship" are applicable to all the different types of person and relationships in the world equally. It is unreal, untrue.

We are free to build our relationships with our own values, rules, and ways. Don't let anyone fool you on this, your free to create your own happiness under your own rules.

Be honest with your partner. Know that what you feel can never be wrong, there are no such a things as wrong feelings, and they must never generate you guilty feelings are not chosen, but they are there and must be heard and respected.

It is not healthy to silence your feelings and disguise them so that they are what they are supposed to be, it is useless to demonize and hide them, because they are there, they are real and they matter.

When you start to be honest about your desires, feelings, fears and concerns, you open up to a new level of communication and honesty with the person next to you, creating a deeper and more real connection, honest and stronger, thus having a clearer idea of who they are and what they want and vice versa.

Try to be single as long as you can. Even when we are in a totally free relationship, we still have a relationship (which is a beautiful thing).

BUT NOTHING IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF.

Inevitably, when we are in a relationship, we are constantly investing time and energy getting to know that significant other, sharing time and growing with them. This is beautiful and exciting. But it's important to choose that person carefully. Time is the most valuable thing that we have (mostly because we are not sure how much we have until it's gone). That is why invest it in the wrong person can be a huge loss. Choose wisely and procurate to always have time for yourself.

THE TIME BETTER INVESTED IS THE ONE YOU INVEST IN YOURSELF. We never finish getting to know ourself, we are constantly changing. That's why is always good time to to explore ourselves a little more, to do the things we love, be healthy, treat, and fall in love with yourself, become the person you admire and aspire to be.

Surprise yourselves with the things you can do, create, think, yearn, fears, new situations, travel to new places. When we dare to do something we always wanted, when we achieve our goals, when we explore our sensuality, sexuality and deepest desires, that is when we are investing time intelligently.

There is nothing more pleasant than being yourself, without that little voice deep in you mind that reminds you of what is expected from you, how you are supposed to act.

IT IS ESSENTIAL TO TRAVEL ALONE, that place you always dreamed about, places where you don't know anyone, to do something you haven't done before. Rediscover yourself.

Because when we are surrounded by people who know us, we unconsciously know that we occupy a place, and we are use to fulfill a role. And unconsciously, even though we are in a new place, if we are surrounded by friends or family, it is difficult for us to escape that role, so our options for growth, reconstruction and exploration are very limited.

That is the true experience of traveling, it was never about knowing places, it was always about knowing yourself from another place. To explore ourselves without roles, without fears, without limitations. Traveling is like being born again and being able to be another you, knowing everything is possible, it is having learned from the past without having to carry it. TRAVELING IS THE BEST OPPORTUNITY TO KNOW, CREATE AND EXPLORE YOU.

Last but not least, revenge is never good. Never use the actions of other as an excuse for your own actions. BE BIGGER never act out of spite, hatred, anger, or revenge. What you do under these feelings will always embarrass and persecute you. Be better, do not respond to violence with more violence, don't ever be disrespectful or cruel, do not enter a circle from which, it is impossible to get away. Stand back, take a distance, observe the situation, and instead of using energy to take revenge and hurt others, use it to learn, heal and forgive. When someone hurts you it is important to remember that pain, and how much hurt you, to never inflict it on anyone else. Stop the pain right there. Karma will take care of them. Your energy is strictly needed for self growth.

Well, without further ado, these are some thoughts that I consider essential for a full and happy life.