Adulting vs. Being an Adult

It's scary being twenty. Fifteen-year-old me thought I would have had it all figured out by now. Wishful thinking girl. There's so many choices, decisions to make, things to plan and figure out. When you are around this age, they say that the world is your oyster, with all the opportunities within your hands' reach, but I don't even like oysters. And if you are as indecisive as me, having all those opportunities can be a bit overwhelming at times.

I finished high school and thought I knew what I wanted; thought I would study for the next three years, get my degree, get a good job and the rest would just fall into place. But I have learned the hard way that life often, hardly ever, goes as planned. And here I am now, degreeless and halfway across the world. That is definitely not what I had planned. I don't regret my decisions, but it hasn't been easy. I've been struggling with the concept, recently, that I am an adult doing adult things, yet I don't know what I want to do with my life or what I even want from life. I know I am not alone. I think I spent all my time in school so focused on getting through it that I forgot to think about the real world. I thought I knew what I wanted to do, but surprise! I was wrong. I have these moments of, gosh, I'm twenty I really need to figure things out, and then these moments of, oh I'm only twenty. I've got time, no worries.

Deciding to leave South Africa and travel to London to try and create a life here has been a big step in realizing that I actually have no clue what I actually want to do. There have been so many more opportunities here for me, which has confused me even more. Moving here has given more sense of independence than ever, which I love, but with that has come responsibility. The responsibility of making sure that I am able to create and achieve something with my life. It has been a scary and exciting rollercoaster change in my life. It has taught a lot I never knew about myself and given so much self-development and self-growth that I am grateful for. On a serious note, it has also taught me how many layers you need to wear to face the snow; a very vital life lesson. I mean I don't know how to do taxes, but at least I know that.

I was giving someone very important to me some advice recently, and I had a moment of realization that I need to take my own advice in consideration for myself. I've had to realize that the secret is no one ever really has it figured out. We are all just cluelessly trying to get through each day while pretending that we are in control. Well I am hoping that this is the case...to give myself some reassurance. I think the trick is maybe just to set up some goals and tackle each day as it comes, taking one step at a time. But don't take my advice. What do I know? I'm only twenty years old. I often find myself too caught up in the planning and the figuring for the future that I forget about just the twenty-four hours I have in front of me. In moments of doubt, I have to keep reminding myself of this—that it's alright to be confused and uncertain, and to not put so much pressure on myself to have it all figured out, or else I won't enjoy the journey. I mean that's what they say it's about, don't they? Not focusing on the destination, but rather enjoying the journey.

I am just a confused twenty-year-old trying to figure this adulting thing out while enjoying the journey.

"Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans." - John Lennon