A Two-fer Resolution, and a Question for You Folks

This year, I thought "why not do something stupid?" So I decided on two resolutions! The first one is practical and something that will end up being a benefit. The second is my passion project.

Up first: three years ago I joined a gym that has a lot of equipment and classes. I was super into Zumba. The dances were fun, the songs were great, the group was very supportive of each other. It was awesome!

That changed when I got pregnant. Not to say you need to stop working out when you get pregnant, but I found that around five months and onward, vigorous exercise like Zumba made me have hella contractions. I mean, I couldn't even get through a 12 hour nursing shift without my uterus getting so painfully tight that my coworkers joked about wheeling me down the hall to Labor and Delivery. (Nothing scares a med/surg nurse more than a woman in labor.)

So my gym membership went on the backburner. I had/have a tumultuous relationship with workouts anyway. See, I am chronically lazy. I can sit on my couch and veg on video games for hours on end; as long as I've got my drinks, my snacks, and my gaming devices nearby, I don't have to move until my bladder says so.

But what's a gym membership if you're not going? A USELESS WASTE OF MONEY!

I'm trying to be frugal here! I either need to step up and go to the gym, or, in the words of Gordon Ramsey, "shut it down".

This year...this is the year. I have a good fitness app. I have my membership. I have a supportive husband who is happy to man the fort while I workout; I do feel bad that it's going to end up being twice a week, usually immediately after he gets off work. It's hard to plan days where I'm not going back-t0-back-to-back and working around our schedules, but it is what it is.

I'm trying to go 2-3 times a week, with an emphasis on the 3. And as much as I love Zumba, I didn't really see results. I felt them, for sure. I had way more energy and stamina. I also know that the numbers on the scale aren't as important as how I feel, but I do want to see improvement in the mirror.

So this year, Zumba won't be my main objective. Weight lifting will be.

Now my problem with weight lifting is that I am garbage at it, and I have to adapt any arm workouts to fit me. Because, fun personal fact, I have Erb's Palsy.

Essentially, when I was born, my shoulder got stuck. I have been told second-hand by my grandma that the doctor might have panicked a bit and he yanked on me to get me out.

Before we go further, I want to be clear and specify that this was an emergency situation for me and Mom. She'd passed out and couldn't push, so I was just there with my head born and my fat shoulders stuck. They had to get all 10 pounds of me out. No time for an emergency c-section, just time to act. But in the process, my collar bone was broken, my shoulder was dislocated, and I ended up with permanent nerve damage.

Erb's Palsy, or brachial plexus injury, ranges in severity. For me, I can't make my arm straight. One arm and shoulder are shorter than the other. I can't twist my elbow and reach behind me. If I flip my arms around so they're palm up, one of my shoulder blades pops out enough that you can grab a handful of it. And that's just what you can see.

Inside, my arm is both weaker and stronger than my good arm. I can't move it certain ways because it either doesn't move or bend or work that way, or it hurts.

Which brings us back to the gym. I know I probably look like I have bad form when I workout my bad arm. Picture a bicep curl. My good arm uses a 10lb weight and curls up to my chest and shoulder with my elbow tucked in, the way it's supposed to. My bad arm uses a 5lb weight and goes kind of crossed to the middle of my chest with my elbow sticking out, because it can't move any other way.

Nothing to be done for it, just learn to adapt. And with it being a birth injury, it's just the norm for me. But I notice the glaring differences when I'm around other people. I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed, or if they care, but I feel like it's obvious. It's a minor insecurity that is a bit of an obstacle that I need to hurdle.

But, at the end of the day, I want to look better, not just feel better. So my first resolution is to get to work and hit the gym. Find workouts that work for me and watch as I steadily get sexy.

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My second resolution is to finish writing a book! My problem is that I have too many ideas. Every day I say, "I have an idea for a story", much to the annoyed amusement of my fellow writer friend; she also wants to write a book, so we're keeping each other accountable.

Aside from my current problem of having too many ideas, I actually have two solid book ideas. One has the plot and issues and challenges fleshed out front to back; I couldn't be handed an easier thing to work with. My issue is sometimes I hit a spot where I just throw my hands up because I don't know what the heck to do from here. I've got the big picture figured out, but it's the small pieces in between that make a book.

My second book idea isn't quite as fleshed out. I find some of my ideas and motivations to be a bit cliche. So I try to switch it up. But then that changes something I've already written, which means I have to fix something to make it make sense.

I find myself switching between the two book ideas, which are absolutely nothing alike, and then I just...don't write nothin' on either of them.

If you've made it this far, I applaud you. I'd also like to ask a question.

Which book would you rather read?

Idea 1: A "couple" goes on a reality TV show with 7 other couples. There's a series of challenges and elimination tests. All the while they realize how much they actually know about each other. There's cute scenes, and feelings, and definitely cliches, and each couple has a minimum of 3 romance novel tropes tacked onto them. It's heartfelt and sappy and the sweetest thing I'll have ever written.

My issue with this story is that I have to think about what the Hell the other 7 couples are up to when my main characters aren't around. They don't disappear just because I'm not writing about them, ya know. Frustrating.

Idea 2: A dystopian-esque society where some people are Enhanced. It follows two main characters as they try to survive in a city where they can't trust anyone, even each other. Plus they're being hunted by an underground agency that wants them specifically for their Enhancements, among other things. There'll be trigger warnings for torture, violence, and some mild mutilation. I know that sounds bad but it's not too crazy graphic! It's just...what one of the characters has to deal with.

My issue here is I have most of a beginning, some middle, and maybe an idea of an ending? Que the Underpants Gnomes from Southpark. "Phase one: collect underpants. Phase two: ?. Phase three: profit". I have some lore fleshed out and I have a handful of scenes I know how they'll go front to back, dialogue, action sequences, the works. Just gotta connect them with, you know, the rest of the story.

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So there we have it. My year-long plan to get sexy and write a book. Wish me luck!