A Story Of Scissors,Thread & Fabric

Covid-19 pandemic, unemployment, ANXIETY - this was basically 2020 in a nutshell, but even with all this going on I knew I wasn't just going to sit around and do nothing. Now was the time to finally chase my dreams again. I was going to pick up these scissors and make some beautiful clothing. Building a suit from scratch is like painting a painting. You have to use your fabric, thread, lining, and buttons. You need the right tools, and once you have them, you can make anything. I had my sewing machine and scissors and I was ready to do this.

Creating my own happiness; you can say I’ve been doing it since I knew how to walk - from making up my own imaginary friends to now, making clothing and food for my community. I’ve lived a very rough life with two parents who were addicts, being homeless, then losing my mom and dad by age 21, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Being an openly lesbian woman has its challenges as well. With all that being said, I wouldn’t change my life much - besides having my parents here, of course. I don’t want you to feel bad for me or pity me. What I want is for you to see that you can still follow your passions. No matter what happens in your life, don't let anything stop you.

I came out as bi when I was 14. Even though I knew that wasn’t really how I felt, I just thought my only living parent at the time, my mom, would accept that easier. That was a huge thing for a shy girl like me. I later in life came out to my mom as lesbian. When I finally said my truth I felt like I was on top of the world! I started to cut my hair shorter and shorter. I had the Justin Bieber hairstyle going on. I also started to mess around with clothing that was just a simple tee and pants. I also knew clothing shouldn’t have genders but at the same time I was still a little scared to go shop in the “MENS” section. The looks, the “are you a boy or girl” questions, the “oh

honey, the women’s section’s over there.” It all made me so upset AND I ended up going through all that just to get clothing that didn’t fit me! LIKE AT ALL.

I loved so much finally having the freedom to express myself. I just didn’t realize it was going to be so challenging.

When I turned 19 I knew i wanted to make my own clothing and make clothing for my queer commitny. I also knew it had to be unisex becasue clothing shouldnt be gendered, so I went to Madison College in Madison, WI, for Fashion Marketing. I LOVED it! We did a fashion show, learned history, the whole nine yards. I had to drop out because I lost my mom in a car accident. It really affected me for a year or two. Honestly I got into bad habits and totally forgot how to be happy it seemed like. Basically, I just worked and tried to restart my life.

I got a sewing machine for Christmas the same year I lost my mom. I was so excited for this machine; a spark of joy during a time I found it hard to smile. I tried to teach myself how to sew then but I was just too depressed to go through with it. My depression also made me lose my job that year so I even had to sell that same sewing machine to get by. I didn't let this stop me though.

2020... Pandemic... My anxiety was going through the roof even more than usual. I knew I had to do something to keep my anxious unemployed self busy, so I found a sewing machine and got some fabric and taught myself how to sew. It saved me honestly. My significant other and my sewing machine is what got me through 2020. It's been about six months since I started to teach myself how to sew. I even plan what I'm going to make next in a planner. I'm that serious. When I bring out those famous orange-handled scissors to cut my sewing patterns it makes me feel so excited. It makes me smile. I'm finally creating my own happiness again.

It’s 2021 and 2020 is finally over. In a way I'm happy I had a moment to find myself again and to be able to do something that makes me feel fulfilled.

I’m so excited for my future; to be able to start a queer boutique where I make custom clothing, plus have limited “Ready to Wear” items available. To be able to take just a couple yards of fabric, thread, scisscors, and a sewing maching and turn it into a suit or a pair of trousers and to see them go to a queer person’s home and for them to feel so confident in them... You can’t buy that type of joy - to finally see someone who struggles so much being queer in this society and to finally have a place to shop that understands what they want.

On that note, that’s how a short lesbian named Nikki from Madison, WI, creates her own happiness