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A Secret Reason Why You May Be Struggling To Change

Understanding The I Am Problem

By Dr. Cody Dakota Wooten, DFM, DHM, DAS (hc)Published 9 days ago 3 min read

Many people have begun their New Year's Resolutions.

But the reality is...

Many people will struggle with changing their lives.

Now, there are a number of reasons that it can be difficult to change.

Perhaps the change is too large, too quickly.

Or perhaps your baseline stressors are too high for you to commit to change yet.

However...

There is one specific challenge that many people do not consider when it comes to the desire to change...

A secret reason...

That subconsciously prevents them from being able to accept change.

You can often tell if this is the reason...

By how you talk about the situation, you want to change.

It frequently starts with two simple words...

I am.

You might hear something like...

I am fat.

I am depressed.

I am stupid.

I am a lost cause.

What is happening with these types of statements?

When you start with "I am...", you are making an identity statement.

You could almost change out "I am" with "My identity is"...

My identity is fat...

My identity is depressed...

My identity is stupid...

My identity is a lost cause.

Now, why does this make change difficult?

When we attempt to change an identity...

There is a subconscious "death" that occurs with that identity.

If you want to lose weight, your "fat identity" must die.

If you want to break from depression, your "depressed identity" must die.

If you want to gain knowledge, your "stupid identity" must die.

If you want to feel hope in your life, your "lost cause identity" must die.

The challenge here?

We fear death...

Especially if it is an identity that we have had in our lives for a long time.

The subconscious thought is...

If I am no longer "blank", then what am I?

That subconscious thought...

Is a terrifying prospect...

And it often causes people to subconsciously sabotage their efforts.

So what is the solution to this problem?

You have to create a new identity...

And you have to stop identifying with what you want to change.

You are not fat...

You are someone who has experienced weight gain, but is becoming a healthier person.

You are not depressed...

You are someone who has experienced depression, but you are becoming someone who has learned to appreciate the lows and seek the better aspects of life.

You are not stupid...

You are someone who has not yet been educated in certain topics, but they are topics that you have the ability to learn and master with hard work.

You are not a lost cause...

You are someone who has experienced feeling lost, but you are someone who has the capability to find your way.

When we identify "as" something...

It is difficult to change.

When we "experience" something that is not permanent...

Then change is expected.

How we talk and think about our lives has a dramatic impact on what we are able to change and how easily we can or cannot change them.

We struggle to change what we identify as...

Especially when our identities are subconscious or transient, as the majority of identities inherently are.

But when we begin to stop holding aspects of our lives as identities...

We gain the power to change them...

Especially when we design our identities in a way that, to some degree, asks us to change those aspects of our lives.

If you truly want to change...

Begin to look at whether you are holding what you want to change as an identity...

And figure out how your identity must change so that you gain the ability to change.

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About the Creator

Dr. Cody Dakota Wooten, DFM, DHM, DAS (hc)

Multi-Award-Winning Sageship Coach, Daily Digital Writer (1,000+ Articles), Producer, TV Show Host, Podcaster & Speaker | Faith, Family, Freedom, Future | Categories: "Sageship" & "Legendary Leadership"

https://www.SeekingSageship.org/

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