A Page Of My Diary

How I felt in this moment-

You know that feeling when your sad but you don't really know why, and you don't tell anyone because "your just hormonal" or "overdramatic" " attention seeking". That feeling when your numb just numb. That feeling when you wanna be different, you wanna be you, so you find something that makes you "different" but your just "copying others", "trying to act cool?". That feeling when your sadness is like a little secret you have with yourself like a crush. That feeling when your guilty for feeling this way. That feeling after you've broken down and fallen asleep and wake up feeling "dumb". That feeling that your just upset now and you'll be "fine" later. That feeling when you listen to all your favorite sad songs "about you". That feeling when you finally open up to someone only to feel guilty and embarrassed for telling your sad secret. Well I know this feeling all to well and ill probably realize I have wasted my time writing this because "ill be fine later".

A note from me- I wrote this in my journal around this time last year, I remember writing this right after what had triggered me happened, I was fed up and tired, tired of feeling so misunderstood that I just had to get it out and I did, never EVER would I have thought this was something I would put on the internet but you know what screw it, my intensions are that if anyone else is feeling this way by reading this page of my book you could connect and feel less alone, I've defiantly grown with my metal feelings and I'm ok to share some of my mind with whoever may be reading this, you know I could say "its ok it'll get better" but some people are tired of hearing that, me being one of them, so instead ill leave with these quotes that I found. "all I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being not just with my hands but with my heart"-Tahereh Mafi “When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love