A New Life

If I were to start a new life, which I am. Ill change my diet, I will work out, I will be able to stay up all hours. I want to get fit for hiking, I want companionship in my life, I want friends, and I would like to be beautiful inside. So now with this goal in mind how will I make the small steps. Go to the grocery store, organize my pantry with sticky notes, stop drinking coffee, and only drink water and juice. Be happy, be proud of myself for making such a goal. Stop smoking by saving every penny I can. Before, I had a God Jar, money for God. Ill start that again. Ill make a prayer for my husband, but first I need to make a prayer for all that I want to see in myself. Yet just like smoking I have a desire for dating sites, maybe it will get easier to stop once I start praying.

Praying is a hard task, I never know what to say, but then again, I am writer so I should know what to write. This should make it easier. So, at this point of time, I have cleaned and organized my pantry so when I go shopping, I can know what I have when buy groceries. Which is something you do at a grocery store. Changing into workout cloths I am one step to working. I need a bathroom and shower routine for not only before and after working, but mornings and nights as well. I will do this on the lovely bathroom mirror, which it is oh so famous for.

Before I tire myself out, I need to do something. What is that something?

I need to believe, in myself. I need to believe that I am someone worth looking, knowing, and of course believing in. I strive everyday to live, I might as well live the life I want to, even if it kills me. With my illness my mentality, I will say, is weak. But I want to make it stronger. So, let us start working out!!! I will let you know how it goes. Mentally.

Well working out killed a part of me. I guess it is the bad parts, yea let us say that. I am sore, and feeling weird, like I am not myself. But I do not want to be myself anymore so let us be someone new, someone different, inside too. Now after a shower I am less manic as I was when I first started writing this paper. I do not know what could have calmed me down from the “Inspirational High” I will call it. Mabey my nightly medicine, that is a thought. Working on my project I am determined and happy to follow my inner intuition to work through the night. This should give me some purpose as I have things to do that matter. I will no longer smoke or play on dating sites.

Day One is over, and I slept six hours without getting my work done. You know what I say to that? OH WELL! I am not perfect, and I tried. Getting a lot done, I may have not gotten everything done but I got a lot done, and I made changes during that time. I am beautiful inside when I try, and that is that! One thing I would like to talk about is praying for my husband, I would like to make a form for this. Yet at the same time I will make a form of who I think I am inside. This should give me an idea of who I am and who I want to become. Meanwhile it is time to go for a walk in the freezing cold!

So were at a point of pause. I am keeping up with work and trying to stay focused, keeping my kitchen clean, working out, and forming a worksheet of how I see myself. Now I must put inspiration in my bathroom, organize my place so it does not feel like an old maid apartment, and go to church/confession this day. Yet I still feel empty, belief, I need to work on that. I hope this is helping someone.