A Fresh Start

Twenty-twenty, the word almost seems forbidden. It carries the same emotional weight and fear rendering reaction that the word "Voldemort" does. Only instead of "he who shall not be named" it's more like "the year that shall not be named". I think we can all collectively agree that twenty-twenty was not the most prosperous or joyous of years we as society have seen as of recent. With death, political unrest, isolation, and racial injustice surrounding us for the past twelve months I can see why many are ready to start fresh.

For many of us this upcoming year means finding ways to recover from loss. Loss of jobs, loss of physical connection, loss of loved ones, loss of oneselves. In an attempt to recollect myself mentally and physically from the effects of twenty-twenty I've begun to develop healthy habits to take place of my old unhealthy ones. Part of replacing those old unhealthy habits meant saying no to resolutions for twenty twenty-one.

Now hear me out. I'm not saying resolutions aren't good. I'm saying resolutions aren't good for me. So this year on the first of January I made a list, not of resolutions, but rather a list of feelings I wanted to experience this upcoming year. I want to experience the utter peace of hugging my cousins and aunts who have a border and hundreds of miles separating me from them. I want to experience self-love. I want to look at the reflection in the mirror and be happy with what I see, and not because I lost those twenty pounds, but because I look happier, feel happier. I want to experience food without fear, to eat and not look at it as calories or carbs, but nourishment. I feel that when we define our goals as feelings rather than simple, sometimes meaningless goals, we create a deeper attachment. By saying "I want to experience hiking without weight affecting my enjoyment" instead of "My resolution is to lose weight" I feel more encouraged.

One of the main things I want to experience this year, like many when the New Year comes, is food related. I want to experience a healthy relationship with food. To help myself experience that I've begun redefining what food is for me. Instead of asking myself "how many calories does this have?" I've begun to ask myself "how will this make me feel after I've eaten it?". Along with changing my perspective of food I have began to find nourishing recipes and have made a habit of trying a new one each week. I want this journey of rediscovering my appreciation of food to be an exciting and joyful one and trying new dishes is always something to look forward to.

With twenty twenty being such a heavy year that was filled with loss it took a toll on my mental health. This year I want to experience mental clarity and a more positive outlook on life. In an attempt to get closer to experience mental clarity I've made daily changes that I feel have completely changed the courses of my days. To begin I created something I like to call 'my appreciation book'. Every morning I write five things I'm appreciative of. My mom, my sisters, my house, the sun, whatever it may be I write it down. By listing the good things about my life, I've had little time to think about the negatives. This is not to say I still don't have negative thoughts, I'm human, of course I have them. I am, however, able to push those thoughts away more easily now than I did before.

A New Year brings new chances, new opportunities, new change. Change of us, change of the world around us. This year I want to experience being patient with myself, I think it is something every single one of us should experience. After last years events let us give ourselves a chance to grow and not rush our change. Change is gradual not automatic. For twenty twenty-one lets experience all the beauty that this world has to offer at our own pace. I wish you all a year of growth and prosperity.