A Fresh start

Life is so strange, isn't it? Sometimes we are calm, and sometimes we are on a roller coaster. Some days we are sad, and hopeless...other days we are strong and motivated. I graduated from high school in 2015, one would think that graduation is such an important event, and it is! However, I was depressed. At the time I thought "sure, I graduated. But what am I to do with my life?" It was such an intense question, I was only seven-teen. I knew nothing about life, my mother had sheltered me to a point where I could not be independent. I had border-line anxiety and depression, crowds were such an issue. It felt like everyone was staring at me and judging, how could I ever survive as an adult? All I wanted to do was disappear for good. I lived with a toxic family, they were constantly yelling at me and at each other. Despite my mother having good intentions, she took her anger out on both my younger sister and myself. When I had tried to explain to the better side of my family about my anxiety, they told me that it was all in my head. I felt insane. But was I really? Over the next few years I changed very slowly. I met new people, who were older than I, but understood my situation and took me under their wing. After a long thread of repeated habits and mistakes, repeated lessons and broken friendships due to my own toxicity, I truly decided it was time for change. I decided that I needed a FRESH START. The year 2020 gave me so many wake up calls, and this new year would be the game changer. I noticed I went from being a kind and gentle person, to a person who had attitude and was almost always angry. So, I've decided that my new years resolution would be to become a better person, always. I am choosing to be a better person than I was years back, better than I was a few years ago, and better than I was yesterday. I am human, I make mistakes. We ALL do. Another resolution I have chosen is to never stay at war with myself. Life is about learning and growing, the best way you can. My new years resolution is to LOVE myself, truly and unconditionally. I did not have that self-love back then, I'm glad I do now. I am a beautiful human being that is still learning and growing, and that is okay. It is okay to still be a work in progress, and yet be a masterpiece. Nothing will ever bring me back down into the whole I was in, not even my own doubts. I am finally ready to move onto the next chapter in my life, I'm ready to embrace the good and the bad.

Now that this is a new year, I've been getting rid of toxic habits and replacing them with healthier ones. I meditate before bed, to keep my thoughts in check so I don't over think and keep myself awake. I wake up early, and completely open my curtains so I can see the sun rise. The colors always amaze me, I even take pictures just to capture the essence. It is very symbolic, to me it symbolizes the beauty and strength of a new day. I also tend to take pictures of the sunset, because there is beauty in ending as well. Despite not making much at my current job, I still make goals to save each week even if is a very small amount. I was once so disorganized, my room was constantly a mess and I never knew where anything was. I started using a planner, and using a white board. On those I write down my goals each week, my work schedule, a quote or mantra, any events, and calculate my expenses. Trust me, writing everything down helps a ton! I cleaned out my room little by little, with the extra space I feel much lighter and my mind is more clear. I have been drinking more water than ever and smiling more. Life is beautiful, and so are you. To those who read this, please love yourself dearly. Congratulate yourself, take yourself out, smile more. When you input positivity into your daily routine, you begin to output that positivity and function better. I know, you're probably saying "well that is easier said than done". If all these have helped me, they will certainly help you. Taking up hobbies was also part of my resolution, hobbies besides photography. I always loved to draw, it was the only way to get my emotions out. I stopped for a few years, and recently came back into it. Through are we can express our deepest emotions in the most beautiful way.

I own a few instruments, the crazy thing is I never learned to play because I felt I was not capable of learning. Over time I realized music is another art, also a great hobby and portrays so much emotion. About two years ago I purchased a violin. It was such an 'on the spot decision' but I can tell you that it was definitely worth it. My goal is not only to learn how to play for myself, I want to eventually play for others. I also own a guitar and will eventually learn how to play as well. When you lock all of your emotion for so long, you slowly become a bomb. You need ways to release, positive, healthy ways! That is why my goal is to play music.

In conclusion to my new years resolution, I want to encourage anyone who reads my story to never give up on your goals. The journey may be long, but it's what you do along the way the matters, and who you surround Yourself with. You matter, you are important and you can achieve anything you put your mind to. Take it step by step, day by day. Things will eventually fall into place, that is a promise. I didn't have someone to tell me these things when I was younger, so I will tell you. Wish you all the best, hugs and love!

Sincerely, Ana Celia