3 Steps to Get Yourself Back to Self-Love When You’ve Fallen off the Wagon

You’re making progress towards your goal when you get thrown off your path. You’re starting a new business, breaking an old habit or trying to focus on your health when the challenges of life pile up and topple you over. It’s often our inner critic –the sneaky little voice inside our heads– who is the culprit behind whether we stay down or get up. It will require a bit of courage on your end to talk straight with yourself. If you’re ready to return to self-love, follow these three steps to rise from the ashes and emerge even stronger.

Take a Look in the Mirror

When we think we’ve failed, the last thing we want to do is take a good, hard look at ourselves. But mirror work, a therapeutic activity that promotes a connection with the inner-self, can be a powerful first step. When the voice inside your head is playing punishing messages on repeat, we must make a pointed effort to detach from them. Take five minutes and make yourself comfortable in front of a mirror. Start with a few deep breaths, and focus your gaze on your own eyes in your reflection. Use the moment to remember that the person you are looking at is just that – a person. Tell yourself that there is someone else behind the critical messages. (There must be – you’re able to listen to them as if they’re told to you.) Create a small gap between you and your inner critic. Try telling yourself, “I’m ready to move forward with space between myself and these thoughts.”

Fake It

Acknowledging the harmful messages from our inner critic doesn’t immediately remove them. This is normally where you might hear advice to extend yourself some compassion. The only problem is that self-compassion can be difficult to grasp for a variety of reasons. “One of the reasons self-compassion is hard is because we’ve been harshly judging ourselves for 20, 30 or 50 years,” says psychologist Mark Coleman. The good news is that practice makes perfect. Practicing self-compassion even when you don’t believe the message yet still trains your self-love muscles. So, fake it until you make it: start with five kind phrases and say them out loud. If you’re struggling to find what to say, let someone help you. Ask your partner, friend or family member what kind phrase they would say about you and jot it down for the future. If you’d prefer to fly this journey solo, try a quick Google search or check out self-compassion quotes like these.

Make a Choice with Yourself in Mind

Taking the necessary time to check if your inner critic is wreaking havoc in your mind creates a window to do something important: make a choice. When we are overwhelmed by “shoulds” and never-ending to-do lists, we aren’t free to choose what is best for us in the moment. When you know that the feelings and thoughts you are having are bringing you down and keeping you from being your best self, take a moment to give yourself what you need. Ask yourself, “what can I give myself in this moment?” Purposefully interrupting your day to grab a coffee, take a hot shower, or simply sitting down isn’t meant to erase the tasks on your to-do list. It is meant to give you the break you deserve to recover and face your challenges with a clear head. Take five minutes and give yourself permission (out loud, if you need) to do something you’d recommend for a loved one if they were feeling low.

It’s not always easy to press stop on the loop in our head, but with these tips you can begin to create a space between yourself and your negative thoughts. The bigger the space between both voices, the easier it is to practice amplifying one and hushing the other.