3 Keys to Feeling Happy

The year 2013 was a turning point in my life.

Not because it was a completely trouble-free or troubled year. In fact it was as confusing, sad, and difficult as any previous year.

In October I looked at my last letter from my biological father for the first time since he committed suicide years ago. I felt as sad as the day he died. Healing is a much longer journey than I thought.

About March my psychologist realized that I was relying too much on my independent husband and desperately needing who I was.

In August I went to the U.S. for the first time in three years, and my loved ones abandoned me.

From April to November I hated the pressures, demands, and despair of my job and wanted to quit. Every single day.

That is not all.

The extended family ignored requests to help me write a memorandum about my biological father and grandmother. I gained weight, broke my toe, and could not remove the rash. Not a single thing I wrote was published and my blog went days without a visitor.

The miracle of 2013 was that I broke free from the idea that happiness is an if / then proposition.

If… I get a job, if he loves me, if I stop worrying, if my life gets better (insert yours if it's here)…

… Then I'll be happy.

Happiness does not come when everything comes directly from how we want or plan.

The joy of receiving it with a complete heart, without reservation of health - as it is.

I have found three clues to make happiness a permanent state - not a dynamic feeling that depends on other people and the consequences.

Here's how I do it.

1. Gratitude

In 2013 I started following in my footsteps. Each day I write between five to eight unique events for which I am grateful. I'm not repeating anything from the previous day.

If you grew up in an area where there was plenty of time and you learned to be thankful for it, that's fine. I did not.

Learning has been a slow process for me. Twenty-one days later I was no longer a direct or grateful person. For 100 days, it completely changed my life.

Gratitude does not come naturally to me, but it is a sure way to happiness, I promise.

Even when work sucks and people disappoint me or give up, I make an effort to see all the places, places, and people I am grateful to or thank.

Over time, I began to see my gratitude not only at the end of the day, but when things actually happened.

2. Empathy

I accompany homeless adults on the difficult journey of trying to re-enter the job market. Recently, one participant (in a drunken rage) broke the leg of the chair and threatened to attack another person.

My team was aware of the danger, and the next day it was left to me to continue the picture.

The conversation lasted less than five minutes. He forgave himself for his actions and I could not dare to challenge him.

“Is this your first time?” our new social worker asked with concern.

“No, I look like a giant,” I replied.

It's not my best job. I felt like a failure.

One year ago I was going to reappear in my head and call myself by all the names in this book. I’m a manager, what an example I make, my team thinks I’m a failure, a participant thinks I’m a joke, and so on.

It's hard to be happy, in any case, when you have become your worst critic.

Being kind to me is a great challenge - and it is a fundamental part of my pursuit of a true and happy life.

Realizing that empathy is not a weakness or will make me lazy, an unmoved slob has greatly increased my determination to be happy for myself.

The truth is, the more I am kind to myself, the more I am willing to rise up from each failure and try again.

Writing not published? Try another location.

Friend does not respond? Give it time.

Was the man really angry with me? That’s okay, it happens to everyone and we’ll fix it.

How do you react when you fail? Make sure there is a hug.

3. Enthusiasm

After I recovered from the shock of the doctor's statement that I did not have a clear sense of identity, I knew he was right.

What now? How do I find out who I am?

I asked myself, what do I like to do?

I never wondered how I could make so much money or become a celebrity or how I could be the best. I wondered what I liked and then took action without reservation.

The answer was writing.

I can’t identify independent categories, I’ve never studied Dostoevsky, maybe I’ll never be able to make a living by writing, and that’s what I love to do.

This has been an incentive to start taking online writing classes, read books, and start a daily writing practice.

Even better, by planting one seed, several others had a place to grow.

In 2013 I studied photography, started painting, made desserts without refined sugar, and started a blog - all of which I did while maintaining my full-time job.

If no one reads what I write or watches what I create, that’s fine.

The important thing is that it showed me.

If someone asked you who you are, what your interests are, what you would do if money wasn't an issue and you didn't have an answer, don't worry — I didn't.

Just start with what you like.

Don't judge, don't blame, don't stop thinking. What do you like?

Get started. Today.

-

You will experience grief and loss and suffering in life. There is no guarantee or protection from pain. But if you practice gratitude and self-pity and invest in yourself, you will create a happy environment that will support all the difficulties and failures along the way.

Take a deep breath, get in touch with who you are, and discover something you value in your life, as it really is. Someone has it