2021

Every New Year previously, I would set resolutions like losing weight, becoming more social, improve my dating life (back when I was single), none of which were bad. This year, however, I have chosen something different. I am working on myself for myself from the inside to the outside.

During this process I am acknowleding decisions I have made that resulted in some inconveniences. Example, I racked up some credit card debt from boredom shopping. I have a plan to pay it off, however I am holding myself accountable for how it happened, and looking for the why. What void was I trying to fill? What were my triggers? How can I spot them so I can address them in the future? What other things can I be doing other than mindless browsing of Amazon, clicking on ads on Facebook, etc? This led into how I can spend my time better. Since then I've taken up meditation, logging out of social media, working out at home, taking up knitting again, learning new recipes for food & beverage, and encouraging a mind over matter appraoch in life.

Speaking of voids and feeling incomplete, I'm also taking this year to look at my flaws and ask myself why I feel insecure? What can I do to improve my perception of myself? I am my own worst critic and I need to be human. I need to change how I think of myself. Instead of thinking I'm not enough or worthless, I need to work on the thought process that I am a masterpiece in progress. I am working on realising that being perfect is unachievable and that it is absolutely okay to be human. I need to stop comparing myself to others. To do this I have begun acknowledging my feelings, attempting to understand, and then reaffirming to myself that I am me, I have strengths and weaknesses that are a part of me, but I have many things to be proud of.

I am working on my habit of assuming the worst. Simply put, each situation I find myself in, either by my choice or beyond my control, I need to clear my mind of the negative chatter and embrace the unknown. Know my truth and let what happens, happen.

I am also looking at how I spend my time. I intend this year to spend my time off work to relax, be present, reflect and edify myself. I need to be positive. Positivity these days is needed given current events- both on an external and internal level.

I'm looking to improve my relationships with my family, my friends, and coworkers. I'm looking to see what I bring to each connection on an emotional and intellectual level, look at what is good and what could use some improvement. With that said, I also need to look at what those connections add to my life. Too much negativity, too much self centeredness, efforts not reciprocated- those need not necessarily cut from my life completely, but limited access to my life. Expand upon existing budding connections. Make sure I'm reciprocating communication, etc.

As I conclude this topic, I'll admit I'd love to jack my muscles up and change my physique, I mean who doesn't? Nothing wrong with wanting to improve one's appearance. However, I'm more concerned with what's inside me and my mind, as I work on that, use exercise as an outlet for stress, eating healthy, getting decent sleep as often as possible, maintaining a positive attitude, strengthening relations, building up my self confidence, holding myself accountable, understanding my weaknesses and expand my horizons, what's inside will show on the outside.

Thank you for reading. I hope your 2021 is filled with personal growth, healthy relationships, recovery, love and success.