2021

i’m not one to make new resolutions and i don’t think i ever really have been. i’m not sure whether it’s the pressure and responsibility that comes with them or maybe the fact that we never seem to follow through with such ideals. probably the latter to be honest.

either way whether you have new years resolutions, new goals that you set and hang on you’re wall for the first few months until they look like a pipeline dream or whether you are like me and simply don’t write down anything — it is a new year.

a new year such as a new day or anything new really is associated with a fresh start. it’s a chance to make changes. to see and do something different than yesterday. it’s a chance to reset and revisit your dreams and plans for the future, to ensure that this year is better than the last.

for me personally (i didn’t think we’d go here but here we are) 2020 was the year where a lot of my life’s lows became more apparent. and it wasn’t just COVID that made it clear, i would have stooped into the dark hole that i did even if the world had continued spinning the way it did.

it was a year of a lot of hurt, pain, grief and even heart ache. heart ache for people i have lost years ago, for a whole family that i don’t know. heart ache for a boy who was my best friend and more but now doesn’t seem to care at all. heart ache for my mother who because of my own pain feels her own all the more with a spotty past that she feels like has tainted our lives now for good.

2020 clearly wasn’t my year. it was the year that all my bad habits of not opening up and trusting people, for the doubts that i have in friends and simply my own negative mindsets came flaring up like some she demon who would like to in fact take me down.

i lost a lot of good friends who in hindsight weren’t really good friends at all i suppose. and i experienced a lot of pain emotionally speaking.

shit hit the fan when it came to a couple or more really of my lowest points in life.

now coming back to the new year which i am glad to walk into but also extremely nervous. will it be like last year? how could things possibly get worse? is this all there is to life?

and all i can say is i don’t know.

no one knows what this year is to hold much like last year when we were hit with pandemics, bush fires and all the political conflicts that had been waiting to roar their ugly head.

either way it is a new year. it is a new beginning. here we have the choice to take ahold of that with intentionality. to let go of the old, the pain of yesterday and let go of people and relationships that do not benefit us.

although it is to be noted that it is a choice. you have to make those choices and follow through. much like resolutions. or else nothing will change and this year will be much like the last.

so ask yourself in the new beginning, what do i want to change and how can i make that happen?